I really never considered myself a complainer. Most of the time throughout my life I kept the majority of my complaining to myself as I already knew each one of us has complaints about many different things in life. The Lord told us we would have trials and that was just how life was. But all of a sudden I find myself just wanting to scream at the world and everyone in it! What has happened to me that I am no longer able to keep it bottled up?
I am on the downhill slope to the age of 70. Only 4 more years to go. Did I ever really think about the age of 70? Of course I hoped I would see it but did I really think about how life would be at age 70. Do any of us really prepare ourselves for being 70 years old? We may think we are ready for it and we may think we have it all under control and then all of a sudden it hits us smack dab in the face and we are jolted!
In the past decade of my life I have watched my children and grandchildren move from my close reach, to other states and other lives. I have watched my mother die from the ravages of Alzheimer's. I have experienced a brain tumor, foot problems from Planters Fasciitis in my left foot, and a weight gain of almost 40 pounds. I was already overweight before this. I am now winding down my work career and will be semi-retired in another year. I no longer want to work in my flower gardens as my body does not want to bend and stretch because of the excess weight and everything rots here anyway because of the rain. I have over 2000 square feet of home to clean inside and rarely have any reason to clean because there are no family and friends coming to visit. I have money to spend but really have to reason to spend it because I have so much clutter and stuff there is no room for more stuff. I don't really care about traveling because my husband no longer wants to travel because he is 13 years older than me and becomes more and more frail as each year passes. I have no friends that I really want to share my complaints with because they already have more than enough on their plates as it is. I cry out to God. He is silent on this topic. He has seen so much worse and I sure he shakes his head that I am complaining with all of the blessings I have been provided with.
My children are healthy and moving though life. My grandchildren are healthy and moving through life. I have plenty. So why am I so unhappy? What is causing all of my distress? I should be thankful for all that I do have. Why am I unable to pull myself out of this old age slump?
The year 2020 has been horrific so far. Actually the whole things seemed to start crashing in when the liberal folks decided to rage war on President Trump. They had tried for the first 3 years to tear him out of office with the last big effort being an impeachment. That didn't work and then a strange new virus hit the world. Covid-19. The world locked down, people all over lost their jobs. They said millions would die from the virus but only several hundred thousand have died so far. It's just another virus doing it's thing but in the meantime all life on planet earth has changed. There is very limited travel. There are no sporting events, concerts, large gatherings, fairs, parades, and all of the other social events we have been accustomed too. Then to really put the icing on the cake for America, a police officer killed a black man, a felon, on camera and the entire nation fell into a riot with violent protests, killings, and all kinds of evil coming out from under the rocks. The cities are a mess and there is no end in sight. There are now parades and mass gathering for this felon, who has been deemed a hero, while the rest of us sit at home wondering what has happened! America has gone crazy.
So here you have it. The majority of my complaints. I am old. I am fat. I am tired. I have lost my joy. I am ready to throw in the towel of this life and just get on with the next. Am I wrong in how I feel today? Maybe. I know my joy comes from the Lord but he feels so very far away. I know that he never promised us an easy life. I know that so many others have it so much worse than I do. I know there are people all over the world suffering in so many horrific ways. I know I should be spending all of my time is prayer for those less fortunate. I do know what I should be doing. I should not be complaining. But right now, at this very time in my life, I feel awful. I can't seem to get a grip on my emotions. I can’t seem to see the light. I feel like I am falling farther and father off the wagon. I need someone or something to come to my rescue.
The story of Job comes to mind. How did he make it through? He never gave up on the Lord!
Psalms 69:3 (NLT)
I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me.
Job 30:28 (NLT)
I walk in gloom, without sunlight. I stand in the public square and cry for help.
Psalms 38:22 (NLT)
Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.
Psalms 40:13 (NLT)
Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
Job 19:7 (NLT)
“I cry out, ‘Help!’ but no one answers me. I protest, but there is no justice.
Psalms 37:5 (NLT)
Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Hebrews 4:16 (NLT)
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Romans 8:26 (NLT)
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.
All throughout scripture we find people crying out for help. Then we find words of love and encouragement from God. All throughout life believers have called out for help in times of trouble. We are no different from the believer from 2000 years ago. Every single human being who reaches the age of 70 has had trouble of one kind or another. There is no way to get around those difficult times. For me, I know that I need to figure out how to move through this phase of life and move on to the joy, glory, and hope that is ahead of me. My prayer is that the Father will show me just how I can do this and get away from the complaining and bellyaching part of this season.
Psalms 33:20 (NLT)
We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield.
