It has been over 1000 days since I became a widow. Every single day is the same yet every single day is different now. There is no earthly husband but Jesus has become my Bridegroom. I speak to him in the morning when I wake. I speak to him throughout the day. I speak with him as I close my eyes for sleep.
He speaks back not in audible words but in signs and voices of others. Whenever I am questioning something if I pay attention the answer comes either through my Bible study, the voices of others I speak with during the day, in something else I read, through a song, through a thought. There is always an answer.
When I was working I would spend so much time on everything other that the Lord. I worked and then I would spend many of the rest of my hours on me. I have been retired 4 years now. The first 19 months was a blur with Covid and then watching my husband die. Now for 33 months I have been trying to figure out my place in the world at the ripe old age of 71 as a single old woman with no family close by.
It's a different walk these days as I reinvent who I am. I do not know how to be anything other than a wife, a mother, an employee, a friend, or a neighbor. There is no instruction manual on living a changed life. It's a day by day experience. Many days are quiet with no forward movement and no plan. Some days I wonder who I am. I wonder what I am doing. I wonder am I doing anything right? Is there anyone else as confused as I am?
My daily walk with Jesus Christ is solid. I know him well and I am so very thankful for that. I study his word and I sing his praises for all of the wonderful things he has done for me and all that is in my future. He has taken such good care of me that sometimes I feel guilty for all of his favor and special touches on my life and the lives of my children and grandchildren. I trust him 1000 percent with everything in my life. I give all the glory to him for my life and that he walks with me!
Today is July 1 of the year 2025! I remember the feelings and anticipation of the year 2000! The world was excited yet fearful of what this new millennium would bring. Then the Twin Towers were attacked and fell in New York City on September 11, 2001. It has not gotten better. In fact each year it seems the world keeps spinning farther out of control. Hate, selfishness, greed, power, sexual sin, and so much evil has taken over.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 says; "1 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people."
How are we expected to live in a world like this? We are to trust the Lord and not try to figure out how he will handle this. We are not to live in fear. We are to help with what we can help with and not try to make everything right. We are to witness to the sinner but not think we need to live among them. We are to live as peaceably as we can in a world filled with evil even as the evil increases. We are to set our eyes on Jesus and watch for his second coming. There is nothing we can do to change the world as it draws closer to the end. We can try to point others to Jesus in hopes they will hear and seek him. If their heart is filled with darkness and they are not a part of the chosen people they will never hear. They will never come into the kingdom of God. It may break our heart that someone we know is not one of the chosen but that is the way it is. Those who refuse to hear the truth of God is not our responsibility. Moses tried to talk with Pharoah but Pharoah's heart was hardened. There was nothing Moses could have done to change what the Father had planned. Accepting the will of God can sometimes be very hard and confusing for us.
As my days continue to be quiet or busy, as my days continue to seem very different from what I have experienced in the past, I will learn and adjust to what is ahead for me. I will continue to seek wisdom and knowledge of what the Lord has set in motion for me and for the world. I will continue to praise him for each and every day he allows me to breathe. There is no going back to the old ways so I have to trust the new ways are his ways for me.
