God’s Wrath or God’s Love

The people suffer and curse their image of god.

The people of the One True God call upon him for relief.

Has God abandoned His people?

Have His people abandoned Him?

Will the Father abandon His children?

Have the children of God walked away from Him?

How many days and years can God watch His people dishonor Him?

Many speak out of the love of God.

He is a God of love.

He is a God of wrath.

How can He be both love and wrath?

A father who loves his children will teach them discipline.

He will teach them that trials and failures bring strength.

He will allow each child a free will to accept or reject his teachings.

When a child turns their back to their father they are left to live their own life.

If the failures and trials become more than the child can bear, they suffer.

Suffering children have a choice to return to their father or continue in their suffering.

The return of the child to the father’s house brings joy to the father.

His arms are open and his love is apparent.

Just as the human father welcomes his child home, the Creator Father does the same.

He calls time and time again for His child to return to him.

His love is immeasurable and eternal.

His wrath and abandonment is the choice of the people.

People are free to choose love or wrath.

People are free to choose God or themselves.

Choose God and receive love and forgiveness.

Choose yourself and live with abandonment and wrath.

Matthew 11:28- 30

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Complaints

I really never considered myself a complainer.  Most of the time throughout my life I kept the majority of my complaining to myself as I already knew each one of us has complaints about many different things in life.  The Lord told us we would have trials and that was just how life was.  But all of a sudden I find myself just wanting to scream at the world and everyone in it!  What has happened to me that I am no longer able to keep it bottled up?

I am on the downhill slope to the age of 70.  Only 4 more years to go.  Did I ever really think about the age of 70?  Of course I hoped I would see it but did I really think about how life would be at age 70.  Do any of us really prepare ourselves for being 70 years old?  We may think we are ready for it and we may think we have it all under control and then all of a sudden it hits us smack dab in the face and we are jolted!

In the past decade of my life I have watched my children and grandchildren move from my close reach, to other states and other lives.  I have watched my mother die from the ravages of Alzheimer's.  I have experienced a brain tumor, foot problems from Planters Fasciitis in my left foot, and a weight gain of  almost 40 pounds.  I was already overweight before this.  I am now winding down my work career and will be semi-retired in another year.  I no longer want to work in my flower gardens as my body does not want to bend and stretch because of the excess weight and everything rots here anyway because of the rain.  I have over 2000 square feet of home to clean inside and rarely have any reason to clean because there are no family and friends coming to visit.  I have money to spend but really have to reason to spend it because I have so much clutter and stuff there is no room for more stuff.  I don't really care about traveling because my husband no longer wants to travel because he is 13 years older than me and becomes more and more frail as each year passes.  I have no friends that I really want to share my complaints with because they already have more than enough on their plates as it is.  I cry out to God.  He is silent on this topic.  He has seen so much worse and I sure he shakes his head that I am complaining with all of the blessings I have been provided with.

My children are healthy and moving though life.  My grandchildren are healthy and moving through life.  I have plenty.  So why am I so unhappy?  What is causing all of my distress?  I should be thankful for all that I do have.  Why am I unable to pull myself out of this old age slump?

The year 2020 has been horrific so far.  Actually the whole things seemed to start crashing in when the liberal folks decided to rage war on President Trump.  They had tried for the first 3 years to tear him out of office with the last big effort being an impeachment.  That didn't work and then a strange new virus hit the world. Covid-19.  The world locked down, people all over lost their jobs.  They said millions would die from the virus but only several hundred thousand have died so far.  It's just another virus doing it's thing but in the meantime all life on planet earth has changed. There is very limited travel.  There are no sporting events, concerts, large gatherings, fairs, parades, and all of the other social events we have been accustomed too.  Then to really put the icing on the cake for America, a police officer killed a black man, a felon, on camera and the entire nation fell into a riot with violent protests, killings, and all kinds of evil coming out from under the rocks.  The cities are a mess and there is no end in sight. There are now parades and mass gathering for this felon, who has been deemed a hero, while the rest of us sit at home wondering what has happened! America has gone crazy.

So here you have it.  The majority of my complaints.  I am old.  I am fat.  I am tired.  I have lost my joy.  I am ready to throw in the towel of this life and just get on with the next.  Am I wrong in how I feel today?  Maybe.  I know my joy comes from the Lord but he feels so very far away.  I know that he never promised us an easy life.  I know that so many others have it so much worse than I do.  I know there are people all over the world suffering in so many horrific ways.  I know I should be spending all of my time is prayer for those less fortunate.  I do know what I should be doing.  I should not be complaining.  But right now, at this very time in my life, I feel awful.  I can't seem to get a grip on my emotions.  I can’t seem to see the light.  I feel like I am falling farther and father off the wagon.  I need someone or something to come to my rescue.  

The story of Job comes to mind. How did he make it through?  He never gave up on the Lord!

Psalms 69:3 (NLT)

I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me.

Job 30:28 (NLT)

I walk in gloom, without sunlight. I stand in the public square and cry for help.

Psalms 38:22 (NLT)

Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.

Psalms 40:13 (NLT)

Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me.

Job 19:7 (NLT)

“I cry out, ‘Help!’ but no one answers me. I protest, but there is no justice.

Psalms 37:5 (NLT)

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.

Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Hebrews 4:16 (NLT)

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Romans 8:26 (NLT)

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

All throughout scripture we find people crying out for help.  Then we find words of love and encouragement from God.  All throughout life believers have called out for help in times of trouble. We are no different from the believer from 2000 years ago.  Every single human being who reaches the age of 70 has had trouble of one kind or another.  There is no way to get around those difficult times.  For me,  I know that I need to figure out how to move through this phase of life and move on to the joy, glory, and hope that is ahead of me.  My prayer is that the Father will show me just how I can do this and get away from the complaining and bellyaching part of this season.

Psalms 33:20 (NLT)

We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield.

The New Ecclesia Army of the Holy Spirit

"Despite the present hardships, the United States is the birthplace of the Ecclesia army being forged for the new era. By June 2020, the Ecclesia army will emerge with a rejuvenated spirit and with confidence to function as a well trained fighting force". 
- Dutch Sheets

Ecclesia is church.  Church is the people of God. Jesus is God.

Isaiah 64:4
Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love him.

Worship the Lord With All of Your Heart

As of today, we have been in lockdown due to the coronavirus for 64 days.  I am sure many are feeling as I do, that this will go on and on and on and on, and never end.  Of course, this is silly thought.  Nothing goes on forever, except the Lord.  He is the only Eternal One.  He is the Alpha and Omega.  He is the Beginning and the End.  I Am, is who he is.  Someday, this too shall pass.  In the meantime, we have to find a way to endure the isolation.

As I search my heart today and seek the Lord I hear him tell me that worship is one way to find peace for times like these. I have known this in the past and I have done this in the past.  When we fill our minds and hearts with words and songs of worship we fill our souls.  When our souls are full of love for our Lord, the Holy Spirit of God comes into our being and brings us to the throne of God.  At the throne of the Father we are filled with peace, love, tranquility, goodness, mercy, faith, and all of the emotions and feelings he put inside of us when he created us.  When he created our bodies, he put our souls inside.  Our souls are constantly seeking the connection to the Holy Spirit of God from whence we came.  Worship does this! 

No matter how short of a time we have walked with God or how long of a time we have walked with him, we constantly need to be refreshed and renewed.  Life on this earth can be very difficult at times.  For me, this has been one of the most difficult.  I miss the church services.  I miss the hugs and interaction with others.  I miss the one-on-one, face to face conversations.  I miss the freedom to make plans with others.  But throughout all of this, I can be closer to the Lord through my worship with him. 

I have a husband who has no interest in music.  I love music.  This has made my life of worship difficult as I have to find times to turn up the music and fill my soul with song.  Many times I get complacent and there is no worship.  If this goes on too long in my life I tend to lose some of my peace, then anxiety creeps in.  If I do not find that connection back to the Holy Spirit I become complacent in my day to day life.  I call these my "desert times" or my "dry bone days".  They are not good days and the evil one always tries to hold me down during these times.  The devil will always take our faults and try to make us believe we are not loved by anyone, including God.  Satan will always try to condemn us.  He will always try to cause us to stumble and fall.  He will always try to bind us to chains of his doing. 

But by the power of worship we can toss him out of our lives and call upon the Father to fill us with his Spirit. God comes along side of us and lifts up our hearts, our minds, our spirits.  He tells us of his love for us and fills us with all of the goodness of his love.  He tromps on the head of the snake and tosses him out of our spirit and our lives.  The Lord fills us with love and peace when we worship in spirit and in truth!

John 4:24 (ESV)

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

Psalm 27:4 (KJV)

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.

Psalms 95:6 (GNB)

Come, let us bow down and worship him; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!

John 4:23 (KJV)

 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

50 Days of Lockdown

Like the majority of the world today, we are still in a lockdown state.  It was on March 14, 2020 the Tillamook County Board of County Commissioners issued a statement saying that parts of the County would be closed down.  An Emergency Order was declared. The City of Tillamook followed suit.  On March 23rd the Governor of Oregon also declared a state of emergency.  Today is May 2nd which marks the 49th day of lockdown, stay-at-home, Covid19 isolation, being apart from almost everything and everyone. 

Across the globe Covid has infected somewhere around 3 million people.  It has supposedly killed less than 250,000.  There are 7 billion people on the planet.  Most are locked inside of their homes.  Most are not working.  Most are held hostage by a virus and governments imposing restrictions.  So what are we all to make of all of this pandemic that randomly kills people much like any other virus that has hit the world in the past.  We all know the history of the most deadly pandemics, plagues.  This is not the most deadly pandemic. It is the only pandemic we have ever know though.  Are we all hibernating in fear because we have been isolated for 50 days?

Most of us are practical and smart enough to understand things.  Those of us over age 50 have lived life and most have learned throughout those years.  Most of us are not doctors, lawyers, politicians, scientists, high ranking officials, but are common people.  We are the people who work, live, love, and strive to live a peaceful life.  Many of us are Christian believers with a solid faith in God which helps us overcome our fears.  We believe God is in control of our days and we allow his mighty hand of love to move according to his will.  Am I saying we do not have questions?  Of course not.  We are all human and we all have questions.  How many times in your life have you asked "Why?" only to get no concrete answer?  In my life there are too many to count.  God, my Creator, is my refuge in times of trouble.  He is my joy-giver in times of sorrow.  He is my shield and my fortress, in whom I trust!  In Jeremiah 29:11 he tells me he will not harm me but will prosper me.  Why would he lie to me?  He wouldn't!  He is not the kind of Father that would lie.  Only the devil, the deceiver, would do that.  The devil is the one who kills, steals, and destroys.  He would be the one who plants doubt in times of trouble.  He is a killer.  The Lord is a saver.

As these days have rolled by ever so slowly for so many of us, we come to certain times when we realize this is really happening and we look for answers.  School is gone, jobs are gone, money is gone, grocery items are gone, church gatherings are gone, graduation ceremonies are gone, weddings are gone, funerals are gone, sports events are gone, all gatherings are gone.  They have been gone for 50 days.  People are suffering physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Is God going to reveal why?  When is he going to reveal why?  Does this event have anything to do with the plans of the Creator?  I don't know. 

What I do know though, is that God the Father loves his people.  For over 2,000 years since Jesus walked the face of this earth telling people of the love of the Father, the eternal life offered to those who believe, the love we must have for one another, the peace that surpasses all understanding offered to the believer, the gifts of miracles that can happen, and all of the other teachings of the Son of God, Jesus, we can set our minds and our hearts of the promise of Jeremiah 29:11;

"For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope."

If nothing else sticks with you regarding what I have written, please keep this one reminder of God's love in your heart and mind.  He does not want to harm you, ever!  While he can take revenge or justice against your enemy, he will not harm you if your ways are his ways.  He is a God of love but he requires an obedient child much like any father who truly loves his child.  We all know what happens to the child who goes against their fathers wishes and decides to take matters into their own hands.  Most times, that child brings hurt and trouble upon themselves.  Loving fathers come along side that wayward child and tries to help them out of the trouble and set then on a good path. A right path. 

With 50 days of lockdown behind the world, what will the next 50 days bring?  I have no idea.  Jesus told us to "render unto Caesar what is due to Caesar."  Caesar represents the laws of the land.  If the laws of the land tells us we are to remain home and only venture out for essential needs, Jesus tell us this is what we are to do.  Do I think the Coronavirus is going to kill more people?  Of course it will.  There is no known treatment for ending the virus.  Do I think it will all get worse before it gets better?  I hope it only continues to get better and better each and every day.  But I have hope.  Others do not.  Others are already sick with something, coronavirus, flu virus, cancer, heart conditions, addictions, and thousands of other life threatening diseases. 


Life is life threatening.  We are given today only.  Tomorrow is gone.  Yesterday is not here. My only recommendation for today is for you to tell someone you love them, however you can.  Find some joy in your day.  Smile. Laugh. Sing. Be free in your soul even if you cannot be free in your daily activities.  There are millions of us across the planet seeking an answer and the best possible answer is love and forgiveness. Unconditional love. Unconditional forgiveness.  Then we see how it all goes from there. 

Gods Reset

March 20, 2020

Where do I start?  I should have been writing days ago when this all started.  I have been telling every one we are living in a historic moment in time.  We haven't figured out how this all plays out.  All we know is that a major event is taking place across the globe.

All stadiums are shut down. Theaters are closed. All restaurants and bars are shut down except the ones offering take-out.  Bank lobbies are closed. You can get gas, groceries, some retail is open.  The big stores are closed.  Churches are closed. We are encouraged not to have more than 10 in a group.   The borders are shut down.  There are no flights in or out of the country.  Or almost all countries, I should say.  If you are reading this right now you know exactly what I am talking about.  If you are reading this after the fact or sometime in the future you may not know what I am talking about.  I guess it all depends on the outcome of this and many different factors as to what is happening.

We have a worldwide shut down for something called COVID-19, or Coronavirus, or Wuhan virus, or Chinese virus.  It stared in Wuhan, China in December 2019.  People got sick and it spread fast as it is a very large city.  Some tried to get the word to top officials. The government covered it up so they did not lose face.  It got out of the country.  Every nation has sick and dying people right now. Mostly old people or those with medical conditions.  It's a mess.  Each state has closed down schools, colleges, universities, museums, libraries, campgrounds, beaches and most public facilities. 

President Trump issued a:

Proclamation on Declaring

 a National Emergency Concerning

the Novel Coronavirus Disease

(COVID-19) Outbreak

Issued on: March 13, 2020

Today is March 20, 2020 and most of us have been home, off the streets, out of the businesses, pretty well hanging out at home to see if we can stop the virus spread.  It is strange but, as of  today, there are just a little over 10,000 deaths, worldwide. They tell us there are not enough hospital beds if we don't stop the spread.  It feels like they, the media, the officials, are yelling, "The sky is falling!. The sky is falling!"  And, as in story of Chicken Little, when one starts to believe something and follows without using common sense and being cautious to make sure it is truth, well, you never know what kind of deceptive path you could be being led down.  We are all watching and waiting.

There are a lot of questions as to why the world has basically shut down for 2 weeks and schools even longer.  We are continually told to self isolate so that millions and millions do not catch this virus and pass it on to others.  It is the weirdest thing to know that what is happening here is happening all over the world. We watch it on TV and see all of the mostly empty streets in the cities.  Las Vegas has pretty well shut down.  San Francisco is pretty well in lockdown. All Disneyland Parks all over the world are closed for business.  The stock market is plunging so the greedy are freaking out.  They forgot that God owns everything on this entire earth. Nothing is ours, really.  You can not take one thing with you when you pass away from this earth.

I'm calling it a "reset".  God is resetting the entire world all at once.  For two weeks he has decided that everyone possible needs to be home and off the streets.  All it took was a tiny little germ.  A powerful germ but a tiny little thing like that and the globe is closed.  Kids are doing school at home.  Moms and dads are working from home or their work place is closed and they are home.  You can't really go anywhere or see anyone because you could get the virus or you can be a carrier and give the virus.  You don't know if you have it or not.  Some people don't know they even have something and then test positive.  If you get it, all the people you know that have been around you have to be tested too. I myself, do not want to be tested.  If you are positive you are quarantined for 14 days.

The State and Federal governments are trying to figure out how to keep the masses calm while this global shutdown is going on.  Vacations, cancelled.  Weddings, cancelled.  Graduations, cancelled.  Hotels are closed.  Cruise ships are parked.  Airplanes are parked.  Airports are closed. We are asked to stay 6 feet away for others.  You can't do that in an airplane. Home is different because if it's there, it's there. 

We have pretty well been home for a week now. Things started closing down when the President declared the National Emergency on Friday the 13th of March.  We laughed at work because the "self-isolate" recommendation was issued from Friday the 13th to April Fools Day, the 1st.  If this is God at work, I hope everyone sees the humor in it. 

City Hall is closed until March 30th for now so I have been brings files home. I was in the office all day Monday as we had a City Emergency Declaration to get out.  City Council met that night and the announcement was made and televised.  I went in on Tuesday until 1 pm and dropped back in the office Thursday morning for an hour to get other files.  I'm hoping to get all my work caught up so that when we open back up we are ready to go.  In a way I am anxious to see how the bounce-back will work.  A complete reset for the whole world.  What will people's reaction be when life turn on again?

Now if God has a different plan, or if this turns out to be something mankind has done, or if it turns out to be something evil, or if it turns out to be something miraculous, then I am amazed that I was here, watched it happen, and am alive and writing it down for such a time as this.

God. Has. A. Plan.

January 25, 2020

It's 4 o'clock in the morning and I cannot sleep so here I am sharing my thoughts and heart.  What is ahead for me in the year 2020 and on?

This year I am semi-retiring from work.  That is one of my plans for this year.  Come July 1st, I plan on only working about 15 hours a week and some of that will be done right here from home.  My job with the urban renewal agency entails a lot of computer work and I should be able to use a computer here at home for that.  I know there are many people who telecommute these days for their jobs. In the meantime, there are many changes coming for the city and I am in the middle of much of it.  My work load will be heavy for the next couple of months while the city hires a new City manager, a new City Recorder, moves the offices of the City, get the budgets for the upcoming year prepared and finalized, and all of the other major things that need to be completed prior to the end of the year which is June 30th and also my semi-retirement date.  That is the work plans.

I also have plans to clean out my house once I retire.  There are many closets, a garage, and a shop that I have piled full of things for the past 30 years.  It is so hard to believe it has been 30 years since we built our dream home!  I did such a good job filling it up.  I am a person who keeps things.  I know I don't need to keep a lot of the things that I do, but that is just who I am.  Paper is probably one of my biggest downfalls but I blame that on working in professions that are office jobs and paper related.  Time to purge all of the paper.

I also plan to get outside and clean up the flower beds and cut down the bushes that have gotten out of control in the past 30 years.  This is one of those plans that depend on the weather. Here on the Oregon Coast we get a lot of rainy days so I will need to be diligent if this plan is accomplished.  The plan is to work outside on the dry days and then work inside on the wet days.

So there you have it.  My main plans for 2020 and probably into 2021.  Throw in some trips to Colorado and Washington to see family, our annual trip to Eagle Crest in Central Oregon, maybe a couple of fun sight-seeing trips, along with my community service involvement with the scholarship fund and the county fair, my Sunday church service attendance, and my Power of Twelve ladies group, that should pretty well keep me busy. I will still have plenty to do when I am semi-retired.

Of course these are my plans and we all know that the Lord may have other plans for me.  When the brain tumor showed up in July of 2018 it was not in my list of planned activities. When planters fasciitis showed up the following year in my left foot, keeping me from walking without pain, that also was not in my plans.  All of those kinds of plans pop up without being considered in anyone's plan.  We all have those times when all of our hopes and plans are dashed on the rocks of life.  Sometimes they are far worse than we could ever imagine.

Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

Most of us understand our plans are not always His plans.  Most of us are aware in the back of our minds that plans change.  Most of us have a bit of fear of tomorrow and what tomorrow can bring.  Most of us try to keep and open mind and an open heart regarding tomorrow.

Jeremiah 29:11 (GNB)

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

I have a plan to finish this book, these chapters of my life and move on to something else to write about.  There comes a time to change and move onto a different path.  My thoughts are that this chapter of my life needs to close and I need to prepare for the next one.  Did I ever think there was going to be a brain tumor chapter of my life?  Of course I did not.  Remember, up until that time my physical health had been "unremarkable", as the nuero-surgeon doctor had said in my medical report.  I never thought I would have any kind of foot problem that would prevent me from walking.  I loved taking nice long walks!  Now I wear supports in my shoes and the foot doctor told me to stop going barefoot!  For goodness sakes, I'm a barefoot girl! Sad to say that is hardly me at all anymore.

Things change.  We all need to be prepared for the changes, good or bad.  We all need to make our plans, but prepare for tomorrow and whatever it my bring.  God has a plan.  God knows what our tomorrow will bring.  God is always with us and will always keep us planted on his rock of life.

II Corinthians 4:8 (GNB)

We are often troubled, but not crushed; sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;

II Corinthians 4:8 (NASB)

we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; 

II Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

We have a God who loves us.  He is on our side until the very end.  We remain in his care and he is faithful to walk with us and help us through the day.  He is also there to help us through tomorrow.

Psalms 107:29 (NIV)

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

This Psalm was spoken hundreds of years before Jesus came onto the boat with the twelve disciples and calmed the storm.  They screamed, "Help us, we are going to die."  He said, "Have faith! You are not going to die." By following Jesus the Savior, none of us will die.  We will be saved and spend forever with him in the new heaven and the new earth.  He promised.  He said so.  I believe in him and I believe what he said. I  know in my soul that God had a plan then and he has a plan now.  When we place ourselves into the hands of the Lord we are safe.  We can safely make plans for tomorrow and we can safely say,

"Not my will, but your will be done, my Lord, my God. Amen."

My Introduction

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

5:10 AM

Do you ever wonder, as a Born-Again, Spirit-Filled, Christian woman, if what you are hearing is the voice of God speaking? If so, do you have doubts?

I am going to honestly tell you, I did.  I still do at times. I will also tell you my husband did, my family did, my friends did.  Pretty much everyone who knew me did.  But as you will read, the Lord did not have any doubts and set me on a path I never knew would happen to me.  At least not at 64 years of age and in a tiny, little, rural, Oregon town. I will also warn you ahead of time that my mind is kind of like Tigger from the Winnie the Pooh stories.  I bounce.  I bounce here.  I bounce there.  I bounce everywhere.  So I hope you will be able to bounce through my story with me.

I am a book reader and not a book writer.  I love to write.  I love to read.  I never thought I would actually be writing a book, but here it is.  I truly admire an author who can find that spark to start a story and continue from beginning to end to give the reader the entire story.  My book is not like that.  My story only has the beginning of me and end of me has not come yet.  In between are the stories of my life and my walk with Jesus  as my friend and Lord.  These are the lessons I have learned and am sharing with you.  These are the events that led me to start a women's encouragement group called the Power of Twelve. 

I was born in this tiny, little, rural Oregon town back in 1954. I have lived here all but a few years of my life.  I love it here in my hometown.  It is a quiet, peaceful place to live and raise a family.  We have the Pacific Ocean just a few miles away.  We have the beautiful, rugged Coast Range of mountains on the other side.  We are tucked in a pretty valley with green fields and five rivers flowing into it.  Doesn't it sound like heaven?  Oh, I should tell you.  It rains.  It rains a lot.  We get about 80 to 90 inches of rain a year so there are grey clouds hanging around six to nine months of the year.  But hey, the good days are just like I imagine heaven will be like!  By the way, it is green here!  Green grass. Green trees.  Green waters.  Lots of green.  No desert.  No cactus. Water, water, everywhere.

My life have been uneventful for the most part.  Nothing exceptional on the good end of the spectrum.  Nothing exceptional on the bad end of the spectrum.  Just a normal, unremarkable life, like many of the millions and millions of people across the globe.  But then one day, something happened.  I couldn't get out of bed because the room was spinning and then only to find a tumor inside of my head. Life changed.  I changed.  My life as a Jesus Follower changed.

I like to say that when the tumor was removed, God placed the voice of the Holy Spirit into the hole and that it is He who is whispering into my ear as the days pass by now.  I will let each reader decide on that one.  I have doubts that every word I write is coming from God because some of what I write is just me pouring my heart and thoughts onto the page.  I do know that some of what I write are love letters from the Lord to those reading this book.  The Lord has asked me to put this out there for you to decide which parts of this book are speaking to you and which parts are telling my story for you to relate to.  We all have a story.  Some of us are called out to write it down for others. Some of us speak it out in words to comfort and encourage others.  Some of us tell stories to lift the spirits of others.  To show God's love for people in this world today.  We are all a work, a book in progress.  Mine is here for you to read if you so choose.  It is a simple book of faith.  Stories of the wisdom I have learned in 6 decades of life. I hope you enjoy my life as much as I have, so far.  I hope there are some times as you are reading through this book that the voice of God whispers in your ear!  It's a wonderful life, tumors and all!

The Spinning Room Wakeup Call

Thursday, July 26, 2018

7:00 AM

On July 26th my alarm clock went off at 7 am like it has done for the past 4 decades plus.  Many times I swat the snooze alarm a few times but I really had to use the bathroom so I swung my legs off the side and tried to stand. The room was spinning like a top but I had to go! I grabbed the side of the bed, then the dresser, made my way into the bathroom holding on to something for support the whole way.  I even had one hand on one wall and one hand on the other wall while I sat on the pot.  I made it back to the bed, laid my head on the pillow, room still spinning.  Jerry had gotten up and headed down to make us coffee unaware I was having trouble.  I layed in bed for a few minutes thinking about what was happening.  This was something different.  This was something out of the ordinary.  This was trouble!  I kept my eyes closed and could feel the nausea coming on.  I was in our upstairs bedroom and Jerry was downstairs.  I called out a couple of times but he could not hear me.  I grabbed the landline by my side of the bed and called his cell phone. He answered, I said, "Please come help, something is wrong!" He was up in 5 seconds.  I explained what was going on and he said we needed to head to urgent care. I told him I could not get out of bed.  My head was stuck on the pillow! He called 911 and explained the situation.

I have been on the Tillamook Fire District Board of Directors for about 28 years so the last thing I wanted to do was put in a call for help and add to their already overwhelming call list! But I knew there was nothing else I could do.  I needed them to come get me downstairs and into an ambulance to find out just what was going on.  Stroke was my initial thought when this all started.  Even though I live 6 miles out of town within 10 minutes the ambulance and my firemen were pulling into my driveway and rushing up the stairs to my bedroom.  All I could do was hug them and tell them I was sorry for the call.  They are stretched so thin and do so much for others.  I did not want to be one of the calls on the monthly report list I read over each month!

By 8:30 I was nestled into an observation room at Tillamook Adventist Hospital lying flat on my back and no way to stand on my own.  Now mind you, I had not been admitted to an emergency room or the hospital in 38 years! I was only there at that time to birth my son. And before that, 6 years earlier to birth my daughter!  I'm healthy and take vitamins!

The care providers and doctors started the routine things to try to determine what was happening to me.  I explained my recent issues with acid reflux, told them about the tingling in my left arm that had been irritating me, told them in June my doctor found my cholesterol level was high at 250 and that for 3 years I had been trying to get to the bottom of extra fatigue and acid stomach issues.  I had just figured once I turned 60 that old age was kicking in and that was just how it went.  Our bodies are on a limited time and God tells in the Bible we have roughly 80 years of life.  I have no problem whatsoever with God's plan for me and 80 is a good number.  I wasn't there yet! 

As the morning proceeded we made the necessary calls to my work, family, and friends to get the prayer going.  We are people of faith and that is where we turn first and foremost.  The care team just kept doing what they do. Care! I had an EKG, blood tests, x-rays, CT scan, and everything else they needed to do to get to the bottom of my dizziness and nausea.  The emergency room doctor wanted to do an MRI to see if there was an inner ear infection causing vertigo.  I said, "Let's do it!"  By noonish I was having my first ever MRI scan.  The hospital decided that I should be admitted for observation until all of the results were in so they wheeled me on my gurney up to the second floor and nestled me into a nice, quiet hospital room.  We waited. 

My daughter Dena, from Colorado, was ready to be on the first flight out of Denver as soon as she heard.  She knew when Jerry called something was definitely wrong.  Her mom is never in the hospital.  Son Chris, his wife Lisa, and 2 grandchildren from Washington,  were already packing to come spend the weekend with us because it was supposed to be the weekend we all gathered together to butcher our grass fed beef.  I explained to Dena the events of the entire morning and encouraged her to wait until we had more results in.  She waited.

Close to 2 o'clock the doctor walked into my room and said "We have the results from the MRI", as he pulled up a chair to sit down.  "There is a mass showing on the left side, behind the ear", he said.  That only took 1 second to comprehend.  He explained he had called Oregon Health and Science University (OHSU) Neuro-Surgery in Portland and neuro-surgeon Doctor Han had told him he needed to see me face to face and that a transport has already been ordered.  I was taken by ambulance to OHSU and was admitted by 7 P.M.  There I was and my world was still spinning.

Now, I need to impress again how firm my faith is.  That is the most important part of this Glory Story.  My entire life has had the hand of God over it.  As a little girl, we were not a religious family.  My mom loaded up 4 children to church alone year after year.   Dad was not a believer or a church-goer.  I always knew God loved me but many, many, many times I just did things my own way.  I had my first baby when I was 19 years old and was 6 months pregnant when I married my first husband.  Two babies and 10 years later we were divorced.  I married my second husband soon after I met him.  I was 29 years old and he was 42 years old.  We actually celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary while I was in ICU at OHSU.  I'm such a drama queen sometimes.  But throughout my life I spent time seeking the Lord and trying more and more to follow His ways. 

I was Born-Again in the mid 1970's and filled with the Holy Spirit in the early 1980's.  I have never looked back, only ahead, in my walk with Jesus.  He said it.  I believe it.  There's no discussion for me.  I have experienced his love, patience, guidance, and voice for 4 decades. I believe in the promises recorded in the Holy Bible.  I believe the Bible is the Word of God that can be heard in a dying world.  I don’t care there are others who call the Bible a book of fables, a book of myths.  I have sympathy and empathy for those who have no hope, no peace, no understanding, no heart, no love for My Lord Jesus, My God, My Creator.  I know His heart is broken even far more than mine because he created mankind to share in a relationship with Him for all of eternity.  Others choose nothingness when life ends here on earth.  I choose faith and belief that life does not end for those who hear His call and come to Him.  I keep telling everyone that it is not rocket science.  It is simply faith!  Faith that we are each here on earth for a specific purpose.  Some have a long purpose.  Some have a short purpose.  Some have a large purpose.  Some have a smaller purpose, but all have a purpose in the beginning.  Many walk away or never even try to find the truth about their purpose.  All have the option to choose once they hear the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I believe Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the carpenter's son was God in flesh, coming to save those who want to be saved for a life after death here on earth. 

From the moment the spinning day began, I had no fear.  I had no doubt that The Lord God, The Creator of Heaven and Earth, that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was with me.  He had shown me the tumor through the dizzy spell and the knowledge of the doctors and nurses.

Random Thoughts On “The Awful Truth About Being Old”

(Over the age of 60)

You have extra money but you don’t need anything.
You have extra money so the younger ones expect you to pay for everything.
You have extra money to buy gifts for others but rarely does someone say “Thank You” and sincerely appreciates the gift.
You have time to do more things but you don’t have the energy.
You have time to make your home, the yard, and flower gardens beautiful but you do not have the energy.
You have time to keep your house clean but you do not have the energy.
You have time to see your kids, grandkids, and family but they don’t have time for you.
You have time to see your family but they live too far away and making the trip is a huge effort that the younger ones do not understand.
You have time to spend with friends but they have all moved away, are no longer your friend or have died.
You have lived long enough to gather some really profound wisdom but no one wants to hear it.
You would really like to engage in meaningful conversations but no one wants to have a meaningful conversation.
Younger people honestly think “old people should be seen and not heard”.
Sometimes you feel like you are just hanging around, waiting to die.
No one will remember you in 100 years from now and you know it.