What Are Your Dreams?

What Are Your Dreams

Sunday, February 05, 2023

11:41 AM

For 137 days I am been a widow.  Unlike the decades prior to those days I was able to focus on life and tomorrow.  Now I find that I question everything about life and tomorrow.  I understand that I am in a crossroad of life. But I have so many unanswered questions for myself.

What is your passion?

What are your goals?

What are your aspirations?

 

Why don't you have any dreams of your future?

(Is it because you are almost 69 years old and content with your life?)

Have you been living your life for someone else? (spouse, children, family)

Are you resilient?

Are you motivated?

Are you procrastinating?

What are your ambitions?

What is your purpose in life now that Jerry is gone?

What do you love about life?

What do you love to talk about?

What do you read?

What are you good at?

What are problems you can fix?

Do you have a healthy body and mind?

What is your main priority?

Do you have support from others?

 

II Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

 

As the days and months pass by I have yet to find the answers to many of these questions.  Many of them can be answered with one word, "Jesus" because He is my sole focus every day.  I have run to His arms of comfort and security in a world I do not know or understand.  His presence has been my comfort and joy in a sad time of my life.  

 

This crossroad is not like anything I have experienced before in my life.  I have had many difficulties such as an early pregnancy at age 18, a 10 year relationship and marriage that was more that just difficult, it was abusive, multiple sins of lies, alcohol, drugs, lust, theft, gossip, selfishness, and others.  The majority of these were continually done in my younger years but some still pop out even in my old age and even as I have walked as a follower of Jesus Christ.  This crossroad of widowhood has taken me off guard.

 

I have normally been a (mostly) self sufficient woman.  I have normally been an organized woman.  I have normally been a social woman.  I like people.  I like to talk.  I like to go to different places and experience different things.  I like adventure.  I like life!  Not so today.  Crowds bother me.  Trips give me anxiety.  Leaving home is not fun.  Getting dressed is a chore and putting on makeup is a waste.  I'm just not into anything.  But I am refusing to quit.  I get up every day.  I read my Bible everyday at least for a few minutes.  I pray.  I talk with the Lord.  I try to move at least a little.  Like I said, this is a very strange time of my life and I don't like it but I have to go through it. 

 

Romans 8:26

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.