The First Year

On September 21st I had the first anniversary of Jerry's death.   It was a melancholy day and I stayed close to home.  Many called or sent a text, thinking of me and of Jerry.  All I can say is, it has been a very long year and in the same breath I can say it was a very fast year.  It’s hard to explain. There were times when the clock seemed to stand still and then the hours went so fast it was incredible.

I have spent more and more time with the Lord as this makes me feel closer to Jerry and also brings me closer to Him.  I still have my failings and my selfish ways.  I have not been able to find any willpower to exercise or change my eating habits.  I am still 50 pounds overweight and I always remember my doctors saying in the past 2 decades, "You would feel so much better if you would lose weight."  Like I do not know that.  Food has always been a comfort to me especially when I am bored.  

Much has changed in the world in the past year as it spins farther into darkness.  All over the world there is chaos in the weather, in the governments, in the desires of human beings, in every thing that is on earth.  It seems that the birth pangs that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 24: 4-8 are increasing at an accelerated rate.

Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains."

In 7 months I will be 70 years old.  How is that possible?  I remember being a child, a teenager, a young adult, a mother, a worker, a grandmother, a wife.  I remember all the different stages of my life and I am in awe and so thankful that Father God chose me as one of His children and Jesus called me to His side.  I know that Holy Spirit resides in me and I often hear His voice speaking to my heart and my mind.  This is why I write and why I talk so much. 

But what of all the others who do not hear His call? 

Why do more people refuse Him and not come to Him in faith?  

Why are they so stubborn and defiant?  

Why has He placed so many here on earth when He knows so many will deny him?  

As the world becomes a darker place with more and more selfishness and sin there is more need for each of us who are followers of Jesus, to shed light into the world.  Maybe just one soul out there will see the light and come in.

In August, Dena and I got the Power of Twelve out to the public.  There are now 13 group planners either with groups going or groups getting started.  That is 156 women who will come together once a month to speak Godly encouragement into each other.  She presented it to her church coordinator who would like to get groups started in their church so that could bring in more groups and Dena goes to a large church in Loveland.  I am in awe that 5 years ago the Lord decided to use me for this mission field.  Now He is using Dena with her talents to get it into the hands of many women all over.  I remember clear as a bell when Holy Spirit said,

"The women will save the children, the grandchildren and the great grand children."

It is happening right now and all the glory goes to the Lord God Almighty who moves heaven and earth no matter how things look in real time.

I now that if Jerry were still here much of this would not be happening as I would be providing care for him.  I would not be able to start another Power of Twelve group at my church. I would not be able to devote time to others.  I would have been focused on him.  Though my grief and loneliness of missing my best friend and husband has subsided for most days, it is still a long road ahead of taking care of all things myself and I am an old, fat, thankful woman.  I speak throughout the day to my first Bridegroom Jesus to help me through whatever the situation is and you would be surprised at how many times He answers me and helps me.  

I plan on being here to do His work for a couple of more decades if the world lasts that long and hope I can continue to do so with an obedient heart.  I admit, I squandered many years so I am very happy He has given me this time to draw closer to Him and be there for others.  It is time for service to my God and time for my selfish desires to go.  I pray I am up for the task and able.