Refresh Me Oh Lord

 There are times in life that deplete every ounce of energy we may have.  We are so busy we cannot find even a few minutes to breathe and be still before the Lord.  There are times of life that take everything we have just to get out of bed in the morning.  We haven't slept a wink because our bodies ache and our minds will not stop running us ragged.  There are times of life where it seems nothing will ever resolve itself and the Lord is silent.  We cry out but the answers do not come.

We drag ourselves through each day to only repeat it the next day.  We beg for mercy.  We beg for help.  We beg for one scrap from His table just so we know He is there. 

Where is our Lord during these times?  Did He tell us there would be times of hardship?  Did He tell us we would be persecuted?  Did He tell us life would not be easy?  Yes.  He did.  We just did not really want it and we certainly did not want to expect it, but here it is.  

Jesus spend 40 days in the desert with no food and no water.  How did He do it?  No human can live 40 days without water in a desert.  But He was God, not all human.  He had angels attending to Him.  Something was different for Him.  He had to go through a persecution far greater than anything you or I must ever deal with for we are fully human.  He had to prove He was able to make it through the desert temptations for that one final sacrifice would be the greatest sacrifice of all.  He would have to take the sins of the entire world upon Himself and not give in to the evil one.  Somewhere out in that desert He was refreshed and was able to endure.

You and I are given those times of refreshing when we feel like we cannot take one more step.  We cannot take one more thing without breaking.  The Holy Spirit reminds us He is with us and drops that first drop of refreshment upon us.  He gives us that little spark to tell us He hears us and is for us not against us.  He breathes that small tiny breath of life back into us so that we can go on for one more hour.  He reminds us that the fight is real but so is the reward at the end of it all.  He calms our fears and holds us in His arms of love and reassurance that it will be worth it if we just keep going.  We hear His words of refreshing in our souls.

Jeremiah 31:25 (NIV) - I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.

Proverbs 11:25 (NIV) - A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

Acts 3:19 (NKJV) - Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord,

Change

Each one of us experience change at one time or another in our lives.  Without change there is no growth.  The changes begin at birth and go for our entire lives.  First it is our physical appearance from a baby, to a child, to a young adult, to an adult and then to an old person.  

Then there are the changes to our minds.  As babies we can do nothing on our own and require a parent to feed us and clothe us.  As we grow we learn to feed ourselves and clothe ourselves. Our minds also change as we learn new things both my experience and by being taught.  We are talk how to talk by our parents and those around us. We go to school and are taught.  All throughout life we learn new things.  Each one of us has the ability to choose to learn more or reject new teachings.  Knowledge and wisdom are before us all throughout life.

There are also the changes that happen as the years move forward.  We move on to new seasons of life.  We find a helpmate and someone to love us as we love them.  We have a family of our own.  We move to our own house.  We find our own jobs.  We live a life of our choosing.  We experience each and every day knowing that change will happen.  For myself, there were many time that changes occurred because of the decisions I made.  I chose to have sex at age 18 and a baby was on the way.  I chose to keep the baby even though my parents advocated for an abortion of that baby.  I chose to marry the father who did not want to get married but was forced by his family to marry me.  I chose to divorce him.  I chose to marry a much kinder man who wanted me and my two children.  I chose to love and forgive him for almost 40 years even when we did have some troubles.

Today I am choosing to live my life as an older, single woman who follows Jesus Christ.  Every day I choose Jesus and study the Bible and his teachings.  I choose to have faith that He was God on earth, that He died on a cross to pay for my sins, and  I choose to believe he rose from the dead and will come again to receive all of us who believe in him into his new kingdom.  I choose to change and become more of a reflection of him to a world where so many have no hope, no faith, no future as far as they can see with their eyes.  I choose to pray for the lost souls, the angry souls, the desperate souls.

Change can be hard but not changing can be worse.  Without change we live and die and nothing changes.  Without change we cannot see the kingdom of heaven and we cannot experience the eternal life promised to us by our Creator, our King, our God.

James 1:17 (NIV) Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

1 Samuel 15:29 (NIV) He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a human being, that he should change his mind.”

Matthew 18:3 (NIV) And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Daily Walk

It has been over 1000 days since I became a widow.  Every single day is the same yet every single day is different now.  There is no earthly husband but Jesus has become my Bridegroom.  I speak to him in the morning when I wake.  I speak to him throughout the day.  I speak with him as I close my eyes for sleep.

He speaks back not in audible words but in signs and voices of others.  Whenever I am questioning something if I pay attention the answer comes either through my Bible study, the voices of others I speak with during the day, in something else I read, through a song, through a thought.  There is always an answer.  

When I was working I would spend so much time on everything other that the Lord.  I worked and then I would spend many of the rest of my hours on me.  I have been retired 4 years now.  The first 19 months was a blur with Covid and then watching my husband die.  Now for 33 months I have been trying to figure out my place in the world at the ripe old age of 71 as a single old woman with no family close by.  

It's a different walk these days as I reinvent who I am.  I do not know how to be anything other than a wife, a mother, an employee, a friend, or a neighbor.  There is no instruction manual on living a changed life. It's a day by day experience.  Many days are quiet with no forward movement and no plan.  Some days I wonder who I am.  I wonder what I am doing.  I wonder am I doing anything right?  Is there anyone else as confused as I am?

My daily walk with Jesus Christ is solid.  I know him well and I am so very thankful for that.  I study his word and I sing his praises for all of the wonderful things he has done for me and all that is in my future.  He has taken such good care of me that sometimes I feel guilty for all of his favor and special touches on my life and the lives of my children and grandchildren.  I trust him 1000 percent with everything in my life.  I give all the glory to him for my life and that he walks with me!

Today is July 1 of the year 2025!  I remember the feelings and anticipation of the year 2000!  The world was excited yet fearful of what this new millennium would bring.  Then the Twin Towers were attacked and fell in New York City on September 11, 2001.  It has not gotten better.  In fact each year it seems the world keeps spinning farther out of control.  Hate, selfishness, greed, power, sexual sin, and so much evil has taken over. 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 says; "1 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people."

How are we expected to live in a world like this?  We are to trust the Lord and not try to figure out how he will handle this.  We are not to live in fear.  We are to help with what we can help with and not try to make everything right.  We are to witness to the sinner but not think we need to live among them.  We are to live as peaceably as we can in a world filled with evil even as the evil increases.  We are to set our eyes on Jesus and watch for his second coming.  There is nothing we can do to change the world as it draws closer to the end.  We can try to point others to Jesus in hopes they will hear and seek him.  If their heart is filled with darkness and they are not a part of the chosen people they will never hear.  They will never come into the kingdom of God.  It may break our heart that someone we know is not one of the chosen but that is the way it is.  Those who refuse to hear the truth of God is not our responsibility.  Moses tried to talk with Pharoah but Pharoah's heart was hardened.  There was nothing Moses could have done to change what the Father had planned.  Accepting the will of God can sometimes be very hard and confusing for us.

As my days continue to be quiet or busy, as my days continue to seem very different from what I have experienced in the past, I will learn and adjust to what is ahead for me.  I will continue to seek wisdom and knowledge of what the Lord has set in motion for me and for the world.  I will continue to praise him for each and every day he allows me to breathe.  There is no going back to the old ways so I have to trust the new ways are his ways for me.

The Beginning

 The Beginning

Wednesday, June 18, 2025

5:39 AM

When the Lord first breathed the plans of Power of Twelve in me He told me "the women will save the children, the grandchildren and the great grandchildren."  The encouragement ministry of Power of Twelve was to be  multi-generational group, a mix of older and younger women coming together to share an hour of encouragement with each other.  I have found after 8 years this plan is harder than I thought it would be.  The younger generation is too busy for an hour a month.  The younger women are stressed with jobs.  The younger women are bouncing everywhere with family activities.  So how Lord, do we get the attention of the younger women for an hour?

How do we let these young women know that one hour of encouraging words will help not add to the stress?  How do we get them to understand that older women have done this juggling act and know it does not work in the long run and the stress continues to pile up on not only each woman but also on her spouse and her children.  How do the older women save their own children from the snares of the world?  How do we get them to listen?

Even the women who no longer have young children in the house do not want to participate in Power of Twelve.  They are too tired from their jobs and careers to spend one hour a month with other women even if it is an encouraging time.  They covet that one hour a month for themselves.  I have been there and I know how each precious hour during the month is coveted for self-preservation.  To sleep.  To have down time.  To go for a walk.  To dig in the flowerbeds.  To do anything that requires nothing.  How do we get them to understand that this one hour can be a blessing to their souls and their spirits?  How do we get them to understand it will only bring them closer to the Lord?

Lord I ask that you give me and the other Leaders of groups the ability to speak into the hearts of the younger women that gathering together for one hour a month will be beneficial and worth the sacrifice of coming together to encourage each other in our daily lives.  Help each of us have the right words for each woman we speak to about joining a group.  Please send the Holy Spirit before us as we approach them with an invitation to come together in order to save the children, the grandchildren and the great grandchildren.

In Jesus mighty name I pray! Amen!

Stepping Out

Stepping Out

Monday, June 9, 2025

5:08 AM

I did something really weird this morning.  I moved my Blog to a Substack.  Why?  Only God knows that one. 

I have been writing since I was 12 years old.  Pouring out my brain and my heart mostly for me but now the Lord has me thinking, "Maybe someone else can read your words and hear themselves in you."  We are all so very different but we are also the same in so many ways.

We all have emotions and feelings.  

We all have thoughts and dreams.  

We all have aches and pains.  

We all share tears and laughter.  

We are each unique and uniquely made by the Creator.

We are called by the Lord to come along side one another with love and encouragement.

I read a couple of others who write similar to me but maybe not so personal.  Except Sean, he writes personal and he writes with humor.  My humor is lacking.  That must be the difference between a male and a female when it comes to putting brain on paper (or screen).

Of course with the Substack I have no idea what I am doing.  I am not looking for subscribers so they will have to fall into my Substack to ever read what I write.  Maybe someday my children, grandchildren or great grandchildren will find this little Substack and read what their Grandmother wrote.  Maybe someday they will find my words and be encouraged.  Maybe someday they will read something that leads them closer to Jesus!  That would be the number #1 reason for making a Substack and a Blog.  

If you are my descendent, sorry for the weird stuff but Hallelujah for the good stuff! 

I love you with an everlasting love!

Grama 

 

Distractions

 Distractions

Wednesday, May 21, 2025

6:14 PM

It's been months since I last wrote.  I have no idea why I write and don't write.  Most people who journal do it every day or every other day.  I seem to do things in spurts.  I am rarely constant in anything besides sleeping and eating. 

I do write the Power of Twelve Wednesday Weekly Word and then Dena and I do our podcast once a week too.  So I am getting some of my thoughts out on paper.  But not like when I ramble about life.

For these past several months I have been down in the heart.  I know I am still grieving over the loss of Jerry and really miss his companionship.  It was not good at the end but we at least had conversations.  Now all I do is yell at my cats.  Penny pukes up hairballs and food every day and Boo wants in and out and in and out and in and out all day long and meows until I move.  I love them and hate them.

I haven't gone to church here at home since Christmas.  Sitting in church by myself, with a majority of strangers and crying through worship got the best of me.  I would rather grieve and worship at home by myself than with strangers.

I do stay in the word every day in one way or another.  God is the only constant and continuous one in my life but lately I feel like He isn't paying much attention to my needs either.  I know He loves me.  I know He cares.  I know I am probably feeling this way because my emotions are all over the place but it just seems there are so many distractions pulling me all over the place and all I want to do is curl up in His arms and rest.  Maybe it's the devil doing it all and for whatever reason the Lord is not blocking his punches to me.  Maybe it's my Job test.  Like Job I will never denounce God or turn from Him but I will cry and whine for the treatment He is allowing to happen to me and around me.

In just the past 7 weeks I went to Eagle Crest with the kids for 8 days, then 10 day later flew to Jacksonville FL to spend a week with Felicia. On the home trip the plane flaps quit working so we had an emergency landing back to Jacksonville which made me miss my connection in Atlanta to Portland.  It was a 24 hour delay with 4 hours of sleep.  I was home 2 days when Chris called to tell me Duke flew out of the window of the pickup and broke a back hind leg.  That was on Friday May 2nd.  I had just gotten home on Thursday.  Brother Dave showed up on Saturday and stayed until Monday.  He helped me mow the lawn on Sunday. Sunday afternoon Natalee called crying because Chris was puking up blood so he was in ER at Centralia.  I packed my suitcase again and headed the 150 miles to Adna Monday after Dave left at noon.  Chris was in ICU for 3 days home on Wednesday.  The orthopedic vet was unable to save Duke's leg so it was amputated on Thursday in Vancouver.  I paid $5,000 to help with the bill.  They kept him overnight so Chris and I headed back on Friday.  The round trips are 150 miles.  So that was 2 in 2 days.  I stayed till Monday May 12th and then drove the 150 miles home.  The kids were set to go on their Maui vacation on May 15th.  Kristy was taking the dog watching shift from Wednesday to Tuesday and then I was supposed to drive back up on Tuesday and stay will they got home on Saturday May 24th.  Kristy felt sorry for me so she decided to stay the whole 10 days.  Tim is home holding things down at their house.  

I got home on May 12th and slept for 12 hours the first night and then almost 12 the next night.  All I did was relax, eat and watch TV.  Then Surprise! Tuesday and Wednesday the asphalt company was here to do the driveway.  Sunday May 18th was our Power of 12 meeting and on May 19th I had a THS Alumni meeting.  On May 20th there was a critter somewhere in my garage, which I had heard knocking things over for several nights.  I tried yesterday but was freaked out then today I found the skunk hiding in the far corner and of course he sprayed his scent!  Then I cleaned part of the garage as I tried to figure out how to get him out!  Finally I gave up, moved the car out and left the garage door open.  By 2 pm the grass was dry enough to mow so I did that for 2 hours.  By the time I checked again the skunk was not hiding under the shelfing so that was good news.  I just hope he didn't find another little corner to hunker down it.  I'll be checking for sounds every night now until I know for sure he is out.

Writing all of this down gets it out of my head and my head has just been spinning for a month and a half now.  So many distractions.  So much trauma.  ICU and amputations.  Emergency landings.  Packing and unpacking suitcases.  Flying 5000 miles and driving 1500 miles. Spending $11,751 between Duke and the driveway. That's a lot for a 71 year old widow with no help.

I am tired Lord!  You left me here to shoulder this mostly alone day after day and now I am downhearted.  Lord hear my cry.  If I had an ash pit I would tear my clothes and put ashes on my head.  I try to be brave but I am not.

A Lifetime of Walking With Jesus

A Lifetime of Walking With Jesus

Sunday, May 11, 2025

6:14 AM

Some of us spend a lifetime with Jesus.  We remember knowing Him for the earliest times of life and now that we are old, we know Him as well as we know ourselves.  He has always been that whisper in our ears.  He has always shown His love through protection and guidance.  He speaks through others and speaks through His words in the Bible.  He shows Himself to those who are seeking Him and listening for His voice.

John 10:27 (NIV)

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

John 10:14 (NIV)

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—

John 10:16 (NIV)

I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.

Ezekiel 34:31 (NIV)

You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign Lord.

John 10:4 (NIV)

When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

Now that I am old mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and widow I find that I am speaking with and to Him throughout the day.  He is my constant companion now that my husband is gone, and all of my children and grandchildren have moved to other parts of the country.  Life is very different than it was when we were a family jumping from days to days filled with school, sports, jobs, home, family, friends, church and all that goes on in the decades of life.

To be honest there are days when I feel lonely and separated from everyone and everything.  My body, spirit and mind are on my age and knowing the majority of the decades are over and there are only a couple of them left for my lifetime.  It's a strange feeling and strange thoughts thinking about the end of life.  I praise the Lord I am fairly healthy with only some extra pounds, some creaking joints wrinkles, white hair and aging skin.  I am very slow when it comes to home projects, and I love to sit and read as much as possible. 

I was only retired for one year when my husband died in September of 2022.  I was working from home in 2020 due to Covid and then retired in 2021 and took care of him for almost 2 years as his health quickly deteriorated after he took 3 Covid vaccines in 2021.  We know now the shots altered the immune system and he already had a compromised immune system due to 50 years of Rheumatoid Arthritis.  There is a possibility he could have lived more years had he not taken the vaccines but that is now water under the proverbial bridge.  He is gone.  I am 70 years old.  I have to life live alone without my earthly helpmate.  I have a huge learning curve going on at this point in life.

I have been telling everyone that I feel as if I am a 19-month toddler, learning how to walk and talk on my own.  I have 2 great granddaughters that are 21 months old and 33 months old.  The walking and running part they, both have down pretty good.  The talking is coming along with the older one and the littler one is picking up some words.  Both continue to grow in all aspects of life on earth. 

Me, on the other hand, I am slow to learn and slow to move.  Sometimes I am like that defiant toddler that crosses her arms and says, "No! I don't want to!"  

Then Holy Spirit whispers in my ears, "You're doing fine.  Stop thinking you are going to make it through this life change so quickly. It takes time to adapt to a life without your husband and helpmate, the one you spent 40 years of life with.  Why do you think you are going to move through this so fast and not learn the lessons I have for you?"

When I hear Him speak these words to me, I sigh and think of how caring and wonderful He is to me and has been to be for 70 years of life.  He has walked with me when I was a total rebel.  He stood by and protected me when I walked in the world of fleshly sin and earthly ambitions.  He has taught me over an over many lessons and tried His best to instill wisdom and knowledge into me.  He has blessed my children and my grandchildren with the knowledge of who He is and what He does in a life of those who give their hearts to Him.  

Today is Mother's Day and I am at the home of my son and daughter-in-law.  I am thankful that I am still able to drive 150 miles to be with them.  I am thankful they want me for 4 days in their home.  I love them.  I miss my daughter who lives in Colorado with her family but know I will see her soon at a granddaughter's graduation celebration in a month.  I know my children and my grandchildren love me and pray for me.  I know that walking with the Lord is a daily walk just like getting out of bed each morning.  I am thankful beyond measure for the many, many blessings of my life.  It's still a new path and new season of life but I want for nothing other than to be as energetic and able as I was when I was 30 or 40 years old.  

Keep me going on this path you have for me Lord and show me your will for the days ahead.  In your name Jesus, I pray!

The Difference

 The Difference

Thursday, February 27, 2025

6:53 AM

There are such huge differences between those who follow God an those who chose not to.  In Galatians 5 we find a list of those differences.

Those who chose the acts of the flesh choose:

Sexual immorality

Impurity

Debauchery

Idolatry

Witchcraft

Hatred

Discord

Jealousy

Fits of rage

Selfish ambition

Dissensions

Factions

Envy

Drunkenness

Orgies

And the like.

Those who choose God choose the fruit of the Spirit:

Love

Joy

Peace

Forbearance

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-control

What a huge difference in the choices made in life by the two different beliefs.  No wonder we live in a world so filled with an evilness that shows in every day.  How did so many make the choice not to live a happy, joy filled life?  Why would they not want a peaceful, happy life?  Why would they chose evil over good?  

To me, it all comes down to self.  The love of self, more than anything else in the world.  I have been selfish before.  I have chosen me over others before in my life.  Each time I made my selfish choice I have had to pay a price.  Most of my selfish choices were done when I was younger.  But praise God, He continued to call me back and continued to forgive me of my sins.  As I grew older I learned to not be so selfish.  I learned to deny my selfish thoughts.  I learned to do good not to do evil.  I learned to please God, not myself. 

Those who continue to choose evil over good will pay the price of their own souls.  They will forfeit their soul for all eternity and never be in the presence of their Creator.  They will suffer for eternity for their selfish choices.  There are only two choices. Good or evil.  God or the devil. Yes or no. Belief or unbelief.  Each human being has a 50-50 chance in making the most important decision of their life and their afterlife.  Choose wisely.  

Gifts Of The Spirit

Gifts of the Spirit

Thursday, February 20, 2025

6:26 AM

As we grow in the Lord we learn about the gifts of the Holy Spirit given to all believers.  Everyone who comes to believe in Jesus Christ as Lord and savior do so by the gift of faith.  That gift of faith is used every day that we seek God , pray for others and live a life focused on God.  When someone says they do not believe in the gifts of the Spirit remind them of the gift of faith as stated by Paul in 1 Corinthians 12: 9.

"The same Spirit give great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit give the gift of healing."

There are hundreds of books written about the gifts of the Spirit and how many there are.  Some of the listed gifts are classified or categorized as power gifts, inspirational gifts, revelational gifts, and congregational gifts.  It's important to remember these are all gifts from the Spirit of God to be used by His people whenever and where ever He leads.  God is using you and you are not using Him.  If you try to use any of the gifts for personal gain or personal reasons it will not work.  

When thinking of the gift of healing don't we almost always think of Jesus when He healed the lepers, healed the blind, healed the lame, raised the dead to life?  Do we remember that He also cast out the demons that were tearing apart the lives of those possessed?  They were also healed! 

Today we have a society that needs healing from some type of demonic possession.  Hatred is rampant in the world and even within the churches that call themselves "Churches of God".  Hatred is a sickness just like cancer.  Are you praying for your neighbor to be healed from the cancer of hatred?  I hope the answer is yes.  But hatred is not the only sickness inside the world today.  There is the sickness of apathy, selfishness, greed, power, pride, lust and so many other worldly desires of the flesh.  We need to be praying for these people to be healed and released by the power of the Holy Spirit.  

In John 14:27 Jesus says, 

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don't be troubled or afraid."

Just as with the gift of faith, we have each been given the gift of peace of mind and heart.  Both of these gifts we have to willingly use them on a daily basis.  Use your gift of faith.  Use your gift of peace of mind and heart.  Use your gift of prayer and your gift of healing together.

 

What Is In A Name

What Is In A Name

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

6:18 AM

At one time in my life I was ashamed of my birth name.  My mother chose to spell my name Debra differently that in the Bible.  The O and the H are missing.  In grade school the boys picked up the spelling of my name and called me "The Bra".  To a 10 year old girl with red hair and freckles it was the final humiliation.  When Junior High rolled around I was just Debbie.  Since there were 5 of us Deborah's in my small class we each seemed to pick an alternate spelling of our Debbie.  Mine was Debbi without the E at the end and there was no BRA in my name for the boys to tease me about.

Later on in life I did a name search for each of us in the family.  Everyone has nice, sweet, powerful meanings of their names.  Jerald was "Spear Wielder".  Christopher  was "Christ Bearer". Dena was "Lily of the Valley". The name Debra (Deborah) was "The Bee".  I was so disappointed.  Why was I a bee?  A buzzing little insect. I was expecting more and was broken hearted. I thought I was something special, something better than an insect. No. I was "the bee".  It was a stinging realization and I decided names mean nothing and besides, when I stand before the Lord He will give me a new name.

I don't remember how long after all of this sadness that it  turned to revelation when the Lord spoke to me.  "You are a bee."  He said. "A bee is a pollinator.  A bee flits from flower to flower spreading the pollen from one flower to the other so that the fruit can come. You are my pollinator.  You are my bee."  As I listened to Him speak these words of encouragement to me my heart lifted.  I am a bee.  I do a lot of flitting from one thing to the next.  I land for a short period of time and then move on.  I have many interests but not one that I am focused on. There are not merely one or two things which interest me but many, many things do.  

I am perfectly named and I am a bee.  I am a pollinator of people.  Everywhere I go I speak the name of Jesus in my conversations.  I am here to help with spreading the good news of Jesus, the only One who saves us and offers every single person a new life and an eternal life with Him in His kingdom.  I happily keep buzzing and flitting through the days knowing my little part in this life is a good part, a worthy part.  Someday when I stand with Jesus He will show me the fruit I helped with. 

Refuge

 Refuge

Monday, February 10, 2025

7:54 AM

The word this month for Power of Twelve is refuge. 

Psalms 142:5 - I cried out to You, O Lord : I said, “You are my refuge, My portion in the land of the living."

As we read this new scripture and verse I could hear my spirit within ask, "What does this mean and why are you having us dwell on the word refuge for a month, Lord?"  I began my search.

A refuge is a place where you go for shelter.  It is a place of safety and trust.  A place where we can seek the Lord and hear His words of love and encouragement when the storms are raging in our lives.  It is a sanctuary of safety where we can dwell when life gets to be too much and we need to find peace and comfort with our savior.  In the refuge of our Lord, He can speak to us and guide us onward.

All around the world there are animal refuge areas set aside where certain animals can have a safe place to come to rest, eat and regain their strength for the journey.  Africa has huge refuge's for all of the wild animals that are hunted and killed for their skins, horns, tusks, heads and just for sport.  These areas are protected by laws and are guarded from the human predators that seek to kill them.  The animals have learned to run to these places when they fear the hunter.  There are bird refuges or sanctuaries that allow huge flocks of migrating birds to come and rest during their migration journey.  No hunting allowed.

This Psalm tell us that a refuge, a place of comfort and peace, is our portion in life.  The word portion means it is our right and our inheritance.  It is our right to escape to the refuge and our place to find the strength to get back on track and continue the journey.  God says He gives this refuge to us so that we can endure the days that wear us down as the devil is roaming about seeking to destroy and kill us.

Whenever we find ourselves lacking in strength to go another hour or another day we should run to our refuge, the arms of the Father.  He will protect us, feed us, speak words of love to us, and give us the strength to go one more day.

Don't walk, run!  Run to the arms of Jesus, for the hunter, the destroyer is hot on the heels of every believer in this day and age.  But have no fear for we already know the devil has been defeated by the cross! Go into the refuge and be renewed and refreshed as the journey moves forward. 

Seeking

It's been a long few weeks.  Actually it's been a long few months.  But if I'm being totally honest it has been a very long 850 days since Jerry died and I was set out on this widowhood path.  This path of living as a single, old woman in the last part of my life on earth. 

I am a person of normal intelligence.  Not too high, not too low.  I am a person who believes in God and the power of this God who is our creator and the creator of all things that exist.  For 850 days I have been seeking the answers on how to live out the remainder of my life which could be anywhere from zero to thirty years.  I still do not have any firm answers but every single day I wake up, get out of bed and breathe for another day.  Seeking.  Searching. Watching.  Waiting.  Listening.  Praying.  Trying to hear just a whisper or see a tiny glimpse of what the divine plan is.  So far there is nothing.

Luke 9:23 - Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

Matthew 10:38 - Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 

Matthew 16:24 - Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Mark 8:34 - Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Jesus repeatedly told his disciples and the people that denial is how we follow after him.  When we put others before our own personal needs that is the way to be Christ like.  When we say no to ourselves and say yes to others that is what Jesus is looking for in his people.  Taking up the cross means that we are willing to be there for others before ourselves. No matter how Jesus was feeling on any given day he was there for the people.  To heal them.  To teach them.  To guide them.  To show them there is a better way to live life than grabbing each day for ourselves and putting everyone else second in line.  

We are not all meant to be the Mother Teresa's of the world.  Or the Billy Graham's.  Or the Martin Luther's.  When the Apostle Paul was teaching in Ephesians 4 how to be effective for the Lord he explained that each one of us are a part of the body of Christ, the Church, His bride, His love.  Each one of us is different and here to play a different role in each day.  We are not all mouth's.  We are not all feet.  We are not all the brain.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God but we are all entirely different.  Ephesians 4 tells us of the gifts from God that are given out to each of us on an individual basis.  It is up to each one of us to seek the Lord to find out what those gifts are and how we are supposed to be using them during our life on earth.  Once we accept Jesus as our Lord He begins to mold us into the person He needs for the mission.  Seeking, hearing, and knowing are all part of how we attain the wisdom and knowledge of God in our daily lives.

This is my third January without Jerry in my life.  I have tried to learn about fasting this month and what it is like to deny myself certain things.  One year I tried sugar and that didn't last.  One year I tried carbohydrates which also did not last.  This year I thought maybe I could give up food for the majority of the day but I only made it one day.  I'm a mess when it comes to denial of self.

I am in the word of God daily.  I seek Him daily.  I talk to Him daily.  I wonder what His plan is for me for the rest of my life.  I wonder why I can never seem to follow through on seeking Him more earnestly and devoting an entire day to only Him for answers from Him for me.  Am I afraid of what He might say?  Am I afraid of what He might want me to do?  Am I lazy and want to take the easy way?  What is really happening to me and to my life at this ripe old age of 70?

I know I am not the only person seeking answers.  I know I am not the only old believer who wants to know what these golden years hold for me. I know I am not the only mess who seeks Him.  I know for a fact that I will not stop seeking answers for my life and how I can be there for those that I love so much.  I will continue my daily search for answers because I know He has a plan for the rest of my life.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The Lord's Leading

The Power of Twelve ladies have met for 5 months now since September.  All 13 of us were together for an hour on Sunday and it was a remarkable hour that seemed to be more like 2 or 3 hours.  For some reason I did not check for duplicate words (not a coincidence) and we now have the word praise for the second month in a row which is so perfect as we seek Him more and praise Him more for His love, faithfulness and mercy.  

As I was preparing the monthly list of extra scriptures I notice that there is a pattern of the words that we are using.  I know the Lord is always speaking into us and revealing His plans and purposes.  Here is the words and scriptures for 5 months now.

September 2024 – Patient

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

October 2024 – Humility

Proverbs 11:26 (NIV) - When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

November 2024 – Delight

2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV) - That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

December 2024 – Praise

Psalms 63:4 (NIV) - I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. 

January 2025 – Praise

Isaiah 25:1 (NIV) - Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.

In September the Holy Spirit was teaching us patience. In October He was teaching us humility.  In November He wanted us to delight in Him knowing He is always, always, always right beside us through "every single thing".  And now for two months we are learning to praise Him through the storm, through the obstacles, the weariness, the battles, the day.  

Psalm 22:3 (KJV) - “But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel” 

When we come to the Lord with praise and worship He lives in those.  He sets up camp and stays there.  He resides in our praises and relishes the time we are spending in His presence.  Think about holding a tiny newborn baby.  That baby bundle will cuddle up and sleep peacefully in your arms. Full trust.  The love of another breathing in and out with them.  As you hold that tender little child there is a peace that comes over you.  The cares of the world disappear and you feel the presence of love and peace.  The Lord feels this way with each of us as we come to Him with our praise and worship.  There is only love and peace as we cuddle into His arms and rest.

We have no idea what this new year, 2025, will bring for each of us.  What we do know for certain is that we have a Lord, a Father, a King, a Savior, that loves us, no matter if it is a good day or bad day, and that when we praise Him, there He will be with love and mercy.   

Psalms 147:1 (NIV) - Praise the Lord . How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Come Rest With Me

Matthew 11:28 - Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Jesus had been teaching the people in Galilee about who he was.  He spoke about John the Baptist who was now in prison.  He spoke about those who chose not to believe that he was the Son of God or of the miracles they had witnessed with their own eyes.  The people still refused to believe these were miracles of God but called it evil.  He was the prophesised Messiah and they turned on him.  They would not believe even though all of the prophesies were repeated.  Their ears refused to hear the truth.

I imagine at this point Jesus is weary himself.  He has preformed many miracles and the people are still in the darkness.  They are scared of him because he can perform miracles.  They are scared of him because he offers them love and forgiveness and wants nothing in return expect for repentance from sin and their faith and belief that he is the promised Messiah who has come to save them.  The big problem is Jesus was not saving them the way they thought they should be saved.  They expected him to conquer the Roman army and set them free from the tranny placed upon them.  So many times Jesus had to go alone into the wilderness to speak with the Father and pray about the next steps.  At this point we need to remember that he was human and had spent over 30 years with humans and their selfish ways.  He had to have been weary.

Jesus knew that by seeking the Father in times of trouble there would be a reprieve from burdens of life on earth.  He tries so hard to tell us this same thing so we can have rest in troubled times.  It's up to us to seek him and ask for answers or wisdom in how to find these answers.  This is where we remember that he is God the Son and can do all things.  Not some things but all things.  This is where we come before him and lay at his feet asking for peace.  Sometimes we cry.  We grow so weary with life no matter if we are young or old.  Jesus was there and he knew the weariness of the people.  

Psalms 91:1 - Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High 

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Jesus knew the only way we would have peace would be if we remained in the presence of the Father.  While Jesus walked on earth and he needed rest from the weariness of life, he spent time his Father.  We find our rest at the feet of God, there in his shadow of love.  Yehovah Elohim is our Father.  He is our fortress, the place we go to in order to regain our strength for whatever is coming tomorrow.