50 Days of Lockdown

Like the majority of the world today, we are still in a lockdown state.  It was on March 14, 2020 the Tillamook County Board of County Commissioners issued a statement saying that parts of the County would be closed down.  An Emergency Order was declared. The City of Tillamook followed suit.  On March 23rd the Governor of Oregon also declared a state of emergency.  Today is May 2nd which marks the 49th day of lockdown, stay-at-home, Covid19 isolation, being apart from almost everything and everyone. 

Across the globe Covid has infected somewhere around 3 million people.  It has supposedly killed less than 250,000.  There are 7 billion people on the planet.  Most are locked inside of their homes.  Most are not working.  Most are held hostage by a virus and governments imposing restrictions.  So what are we all to make of all of this pandemic that randomly kills people much like any other virus that has hit the world in the past.  We all know the history of the most deadly pandemics, plagues.  This is not the most deadly pandemic. It is the only pandemic we have ever know though.  Are we all hibernating in fear because we have been isolated for 50 days?

Most of us are practical and smart enough to understand things.  Those of us over age 50 have lived life and most have learned throughout those years.  Most of us are not doctors, lawyers, politicians, scientists, high ranking officials, but are common people.  We are the people who work, live, love, and strive to live a peaceful life.  Many of us are Christian believers with a solid faith in God which helps us overcome our fears.  We believe God is in control of our days and we allow his mighty hand of love to move according to his will.  Am I saying we do not have questions?  Of course not.  We are all human and we all have questions.  How many times in your life have you asked "Why?" only to get no concrete answer?  In my life there are too many to count.  God, my Creator, is my refuge in times of trouble.  He is my joy-giver in times of sorrow.  He is my shield and my fortress, in whom I trust!  In Jeremiah 29:11 he tells me he will not harm me but will prosper me.  Why would he lie to me?  He wouldn't!  He is not the kind of Father that would lie.  Only the devil, the deceiver, would do that.  The devil is the one who kills, steals, and destroys.  He would be the one who plants doubt in times of trouble.  He is a killer.  The Lord is a saver.

As these days have rolled by ever so slowly for so many of us, we come to certain times when we realize this is really happening and we look for answers.  School is gone, jobs are gone, money is gone, grocery items are gone, church gatherings are gone, graduation ceremonies are gone, weddings are gone, funerals are gone, sports events are gone, all gatherings are gone.  They have been gone for 50 days.  People are suffering physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Is God going to reveal why?  When is he going to reveal why?  Does this event have anything to do with the plans of the Creator?  I don't know. 

What I do know though, is that God the Father loves his people.  For over 2,000 years since Jesus walked the face of this earth telling people of the love of the Father, the eternal life offered to those who believe, the love we must have for one another, the peace that surpasses all understanding offered to the believer, the gifts of miracles that can happen, and all of the other teachings of the Son of God, Jesus, we can set our minds and our hearts of the promise of Jeremiah 29:11;

"For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope."

If nothing else sticks with you regarding what I have written, please keep this one reminder of God's love in your heart and mind.  He does not want to harm you, ever!  While he can take revenge or justice against your enemy, he will not harm you if your ways are his ways.  He is a God of love but he requires an obedient child much like any father who truly loves his child.  We all know what happens to the child who goes against their fathers wishes and decides to take matters into their own hands.  Most times, that child brings hurt and trouble upon themselves.  Loving fathers come along side that wayward child and tries to help them out of the trouble and set then on a good path. A right path. 

With 50 days of lockdown behind the world, what will the next 50 days bring?  I have no idea.  Jesus told us to "render unto Caesar what is due to Caesar."  Caesar represents the laws of the land.  If the laws of the land tells us we are to remain home and only venture out for essential needs, Jesus tell us this is what we are to do.  Do I think the Coronavirus is going to kill more people?  Of course it will.  There is no known treatment for ending the virus.  Do I think it will all get worse before it gets better?  I hope it only continues to get better and better each and every day.  But I have hope.  Others do not.  Others are already sick with something, coronavirus, flu virus, cancer, heart conditions, addictions, and thousands of other life threatening diseases. 


Life is life threatening.  We are given today only.  Tomorrow is gone.  Yesterday is not here. My only recommendation for today is for you to tell someone you love them, however you can.  Find some joy in your day.  Smile. Laugh. Sing. Be free in your soul even if you cannot be free in your daily activities.  There are millions of us across the planet seeking an answer and the best possible answer is love and forgiveness. Unconditional love. Unconditional forgiveness.  Then we see how it all goes from there. 

Gods Reset

March 20, 2020

Where do I start?  I should have been writing days ago when this all started.  I have been telling every one we are living in a historic moment in time.  We haven't figured out how this all plays out.  All we know is that a major event is taking place across the globe.

All stadiums are shut down. Theaters are closed. All restaurants and bars are shut down except the ones offering take-out.  Bank lobbies are closed. You can get gas, groceries, some retail is open.  The big stores are closed.  Churches are closed. We are encouraged not to have more than 10 in a group.   The borders are shut down.  There are no flights in or out of the country.  Or almost all countries, I should say.  If you are reading this right now you know exactly what I am talking about.  If you are reading this after the fact or sometime in the future you may not know what I am talking about.  I guess it all depends on the outcome of this and many different factors as to what is happening.

We have a worldwide shut down for something called COVID-19, or Coronavirus, or Wuhan virus, or Chinese virus.  It stared in Wuhan, China in December 2019.  People got sick and it spread fast as it is a very large city.  Some tried to get the word to top officials. The government covered it up so they did not lose face.  It got out of the country.  Every nation has sick and dying people right now. Mostly old people or those with medical conditions.  It's a mess.  Each state has closed down schools, colleges, universities, museums, libraries, campgrounds, beaches and most public facilities. 

President Trump issued a:

Proclamation on Declaring

 a National Emergency Concerning

the Novel Coronavirus Disease

(COVID-19) Outbreak

Issued on: March 13, 2020

Today is March 20, 2020 and most of us have been home, off the streets, out of the businesses, pretty well hanging out at home to see if we can stop the virus spread.  It is strange but, as of  today, there are just a little over 10,000 deaths, worldwide. They tell us there are not enough hospital beds if we don't stop the spread.  It feels like they, the media, the officials, are yelling, "The sky is falling!. The sky is falling!"  And, as in story of Chicken Little, when one starts to believe something and follows without using common sense and being cautious to make sure it is truth, well, you never know what kind of deceptive path you could be being led down.  We are all watching and waiting.

There are a lot of questions as to why the world has basically shut down for 2 weeks and schools even longer.  We are continually told to self isolate so that millions and millions do not catch this virus and pass it on to others.  It is the weirdest thing to know that what is happening here is happening all over the world. We watch it on TV and see all of the mostly empty streets in the cities.  Las Vegas has pretty well shut down.  San Francisco is pretty well in lockdown. All Disneyland Parks all over the world are closed for business.  The stock market is plunging so the greedy are freaking out.  They forgot that God owns everything on this entire earth. Nothing is ours, really.  You can not take one thing with you when you pass away from this earth.

I'm calling it a "reset".  God is resetting the entire world all at once.  For two weeks he has decided that everyone possible needs to be home and off the streets.  All it took was a tiny little germ.  A powerful germ but a tiny little thing like that and the globe is closed.  Kids are doing school at home.  Moms and dads are working from home or their work place is closed and they are home.  You can't really go anywhere or see anyone because you could get the virus or you can be a carrier and give the virus.  You don't know if you have it or not.  Some people don't know they even have something and then test positive.  If you get it, all the people you know that have been around you have to be tested too. I myself, do not want to be tested.  If you are positive you are quarantined for 14 days.

The State and Federal governments are trying to figure out how to keep the masses calm while this global shutdown is going on.  Vacations, cancelled.  Weddings, cancelled.  Graduations, cancelled.  Hotels are closed.  Cruise ships are parked.  Airplanes are parked.  Airports are closed. We are asked to stay 6 feet away for others.  You can't do that in an airplane. Home is different because if it's there, it's there. 

We have pretty well been home for a week now. Things started closing down when the President declared the National Emergency on Friday the 13th of March.  We laughed at work because the "self-isolate" recommendation was issued from Friday the 13th to April Fools Day, the 1st.  If this is God at work, I hope everyone sees the humor in it. 

City Hall is closed until March 30th for now so I have been brings files home. I was in the office all day Monday as we had a City Emergency Declaration to get out.  City Council met that night and the announcement was made and televised.  I went in on Tuesday until 1 pm and dropped back in the office Thursday morning for an hour to get other files.  I'm hoping to get all my work caught up so that when we open back up we are ready to go.  In a way I am anxious to see how the bounce-back will work.  A complete reset for the whole world.  What will people's reaction be when life turn on again?

Now if God has a different plan, or if this turns out to be something mankind has done, or if it turns out to be something evil, or if it turns out to be something miraculous, then I am amazed that I was here, watched it happen, and am alive and writing it down for such a time as this.

God. Has. A. Plan.

January 25, 2020

It's 4 o'clock in the morning and I cannot sleep so here I am sharing my thoughts and heart.  What is ahead for me in the year 2020 and on?

This year I am semi-retiring from work.  That is one of my plans for this year.  Come July 1st, I plan on only working about 15 hours a week and some of that will be done right here from home.  My job with the urban renewal agency entails a lot of computer work and I should be able to use a computer here at home for that.  I know there are many people who telecommute these days for their jobs. In the meantime, there are many changes coming for the city and I am in the middle of much of it.  My work load will be heavy for the next couple of months while the city hires a new City manager, a new City Recorder, moves the offices of the City, get the budgets for the upcoming year prepared and finalized, and all of the other major things that need to be completed prior to the end of the year which is June 30th and also my semi-retirement date.  That is the work plans.

I also have plans to clean out my house once I retire.  There are many closets, a garage, and a shop that I have piled full of things for the past 30 years.  It is so hard to believe it has been 30 years since we built our dream home!  I did such a good job filling it up.  I am a person who keeps things.  I know I don't need to keep a lot of the things that I do, but that is just who I am.  Paper is probably one of my biggest downfalls but I blame that on working in professions that are office jobs and paper related.  Time to purge all of the paper.

I also plan to get outside and clean up the flower beds and cut down the bushes that have gotten out of control in the past 30 years.  This is one of those plans that depend on the weather. Here on the Oregon Coast we get a lot of rainy days so I will need to be diligent if this plan is accomplished.  The plan is to work outside on the dry days and then work inside on the wet days.

So there you have it.  My main plans for 2020 and probably into 2021.  Throw in some trips to Colorado and Washington to see family, our annual trip to Eagle Crest in Central Oregon, maybe a couple of fun sight-seeing trips, along with my community service involvement with the scholarship fund and the county fair, my Sunday church service attendance, and my Power of Twelve ladies group, that should pretty well keep me busy. I will still have plenty to do when I am semi-retired.

Of course these are my plans and we all know that the Lord may have other plans for me.  When the brain tumor showed up in July of 2018 it was not in my list of planned activities. When planters fasciitis showed up the following year in my left foot, keeping me from walking without pain, that also was not in my plans.  All of those kinds of plans pop up without being considered in anyone's plan.  We all have those times when all of our hopes and plans are dashed on the rocks of life.  Sometimes they are far worse than we could ever imagine.

Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

Most of us understand our plans are not always His plans.  Most of us are aware in the back of our minds that plans change.  Most of us have a bit of fear of tomorrow and what tomorrow can bring.  Most of us try to keep and open mind and an open heart regarding tomorrow.

Jeremiah 29:11 (GNB)

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

I have a plan to finish this book, these chapters of my life and move on to something else to write about.  There comes a time to change and move onto a different path.  My thoughts are that this chapter of my life needs to close and I need to prepare for the next one.  Did I ever think there was going to be a brain tumor chapter of my life?  Of course I did not.  Remember, up until that time my physical health had been "unremarkable", as the nuero-surgeon doctor had said in my medical report.  I never thought I would have any kind of foot problem that would prevent me from walking.  I loved taking nice long walks!  Now I wear supports in my shoes and the foot doctor told me to stop going barefoot!  For goodness sakes, I'm a barefoot girl! Sad to say that is hardly me at all anymore.

Things change.  We all need to be prepared for the changes, good or bad.  We all need to make our plans, but prepare for tomorrow and whatever it my bring.  God has a plan.  God knows what our tomorrow will bring.  God is always with us and will always keep us planted on his rock of life.

II Corinthians 4:8 (GNB)

We are often troubled, but not crushed; sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;

II Corinthians 4:8 (NASB)

we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; 

II Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

We have a God who loves us.  He is on our side until the very end.  We remain in his care and he is faithful to walk with us and help us through the day.  He is also there to help us through tomorrow.

Psalms 107:29 (NIV)

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

This Psalm was spoken hundreds of years before Jesus came onto the boat with the twelve disciples and calmed the storm.  They screamed, "Help us, we are going to die."  He said, "Have faith! You are not going to die." By following Jesus the Savior, none of us will die.  We will be saved and spend forever with him in the new heaven and the new earth.  He promised.  He said so.  I believe in him and I believe what he said. I  know in my soul that God had a plan then and he has a plan now.  When we place ourselves into the hands of the Lord we are safe.  We can safely make plans for tomorrow and we can safely say,

"Not my will, but your will be done, my Lord, my God. Amen."

My Introduction

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

5:10 AM

Do you ever wonder, as a Born-Again, Spirit-Filled, Christian woman, if what you are hearing is the voice of God speaking? If so, do you have doubts?

I am going to honestly tell you, I did.  I still do at times. I will also tell you my husband did, my family did, my friends did.  Pretty much everyone who knew me did.  But as you will read, the Lord did not have any doubts and set me on a path I never knew would happen to me.  At least not at 64 years of age and in a tiny, little, rural, Oregon town. I will also warn you ahead of time that my mind is kind of like Tigger from the Winnie the Pooh stories.  I bounce.  I bounce here.  I bounce there.  I bounce everywhere.  So I hope you will be able to bounce through my story with me.

I am a book reader and not a book writer.  I love to write.  I love to read.  I never thought I would actually be writing a book, but here it is.  I truly admire an author who can find that spark to start a story and continue from beginning to end to give the reader the entire story.  My book is not like that.  My story only has the beginning of me and end of me has not come yet.  In between are the stories of my life and my walk with Jesus  as my friend and Lord.  These are the lessons I have learned and am sharing with you.  These are the events that led me to start a women's encouragement group called the Power of Twelve. 

I was born in this tiny, little, rural Oregon town back in 1954. I have lived here all but a few years of my life.  I love it here in my hometown.  It is a quiet, peaceful place to live and raise a family.  We have the Pacific Ocean just a few miles away.  We have the beautiful, rugged Coast Range of mountains on the other side.  We are tucked in a pretty valley with green fields and five rivers flowing into it.  Doesn't it sound like heaven?  Oh, I should tell you.  It rains.  It rains a lot.  We get about 80 to 90 inches of rain a year so there are grey clouds hanging around six to nine months of the year.  But hey, the good days are just like I imagine heaven will be like!  By the way, it is green here!  Green grass. Green trees.  Green waters.  Lots of green.  No desert.  No cactus. Water, water, everywhere.

My life have been uneventful for the most part.  Nothing exceptional on the good end of the spectrum.  Nothing exceptional on the bad end of the spectrum.  Just a normal, unremarkable life, like many of the millions and millions of people across the globe.  But then one day, something happened.  I couldn't get out of bed because the room was spinning and then only to find a tumor inside of my head. Life changed.  I changed.  My life as a Jesus Follower changed.

I like to say that when the tumor was removed, God placed the voice of the Holy Spirit into the hole and that it is He who is whispering into my ear as the days pass by now.  I will let each reader decide on that one.  I have doubts that every word I write is coming from God because some of what I write is just me pouring my heart and thoughts onto the page.  I do know that some of what I write are love letters from the Lord to those reading this book.  The Lord has asked me to put this out there for you to decide which parts of this book are speaking to you and which parts are telling my story for you to relate to.  We all have a story.  Some of us are called out to write it down for others. Some of us speak it out in words to comfort and encourage others.  Some of us tell stories to lift the spirits of others.  To show God's love for people in this world today.  We are all a work, a book in progress.  Mine is here for you to read if you so choose.  It is a simple book of faith.  Stories of the wisdom I have learned in 6 decades of life. I hope you enjoy my life as much as I have, so far.  I hope there are some times as you are reading through this book that the voice of God whispers in your ear!  It's a wonderful life, tumors and all!

The Spinning Room Wakeup Call

Thursday, July 26, 2018

7:00 AM

On July 26th my alarm clock went off at 7 am like it has done for the past 4 decades plus.  Many times I swat the snooze alarm a few times but I really had to use the bathroom so I swung my legs off the side and tried to stand. The room was spinning like a top but I had to go! I grabbed the side of the bed, then the dresser, made my way into the bathroom holding on to something for support the whole way.  I even had one hand on one wall and one hand on the other wall while I sat on the pot.  I made it back to the bed, laid my head on the pillow, room still spinning.  Jerry had gotten up and headed down to make us coffee unaware I was having trouble.  I layed in bed for a few minutes thinking about what was happening.  This was something different.  This was something out of the ordinary.  This was trouble!  I kept my eyes closed and could feel the nausea coming on.  I was in our upstairs bedroom and Jerry was downstairs.  I called out a couple of times but he could not hear me.  I grabbed the landline by my side of the bed and called his cell phone. He answered, I said, "Please come help, something is wrong!" He was up in 5 seconds.  I explained what was going on and he said we needed to head to urgent care. I told him I could not get out of bed.  My head was stuck on the pillow! He called 911 and explained the situation.

I have been on the Tillamook Fire District Board of Directors for about 28 years so the last thing I wanted to do was put in a call for help and add to their already overwhelming call list! But I knew there was nothing else I could do.  I needed them to come get me downstairs and into an ambulance to find out just what was going on.  Stroke was my initial thought when this all started.  Even though I live 6 miles out of town within 10 minutes the ambulance and my firemen were pulling into my driveway and rushing up the stairs to my bedroom.  All I could do was hug them and tell them I was sorry for the call.  They are stretched so thin and do so much for others.  I did not want to be one of the calls on the monthly report list I read over each month!

By 8:30 I was nestled into an observation room at Tillamook Adventist Hospital lying flat on my back and no way to stand on my own.  Now mind you, I had not been admitted to an emergency room or the hospital in 38 years! I was only there at that time to birth my son. And before that, 6 years earlier to birth my daughter!  I'm healthy and take vitamins!

The care providers and doctors started the routine things to try to determine what was happening to me.  I explained my recent issues with acid reflux, told them about the tingling in my left arm that had been irritating me, told them in June my doctor found my cholesterol level was high at 250 and that for 3 years I had been trying to get to the bottom of extra fatigue and acid stomach issues.  I had just figured once I turned 60 that old age was kicking in and that was just how it went.  Our bodies are on a limited time and God tells in the Bible we have roughly 80 years of life.  I have no problem whatsoever with God's plan for me and 80 is a good number.  I wasn't there yet! 

As the morning proceeded we made the necessary calls to my work, family, and friends to get the prayer going.  We are people of faith and that is where we turn first and foremost.  The care team just kept doing what they do. Care! I had an EKG, blood tests, x-rays, CT scan, and everything else they needed to do to get to the bottom of my dizziness and nausea.  The emergency room doctor wanted to do an MRI to see if there was an inner ear infection causing vertigo.  I said, "Let's do it!"  By noonish I was having my first ever MRI scan.  The hospital decided that I should be admitted for observation until all of the results were in so they wheeled me on my gurney up to the second floor and nestled me into a nice, quiet hospital room.  We waited. 

My daughter Dena, from Colorado, was ready to be on the first flight out of Denver as soon as she heard.  She knew when Jerry called something was definitely wrong.  Her mom is never in the hospital.  Son Chris, his wife Lisa, and 2 grandchildren from Washington,  were already packing to come spend the weekend with us because it was supposed to be the weekend we all gathered together to butcher our grass fed beef.  I explained to Dena the events of the entire morning and encouraged her to wait until we had more results in.  She waited.

Close to 2 o'clock the doctor walked into my room and said "We have the results from the MRI", as he pulled up a chair to sit down.  "There is a mass showing on the left side, behind the ear", he said.  That only took 1 second to comprehend.  He explained he had called Oregon Health and Science University (OHSU) Neuro-Surgery in Portland and neuro-surgeon Doctor Han had told him he needed to see me face to face and that a transport has already been ordered.  I was taken by ambulance to OHSU and was admitted by 7 P.M.  There I was and my world was still spinning.

Now, I need to impress again how firm my faith is.  That is the most important part of this Glory Story.  My entire life has had the hand of God over it.  As a little girl, we were not a religious family.  My mom loaded up 4 children to church alone year after year.   Dad was not a believer or a church-goer.  I always knew God loved me but many, many, many times I just did things my own way.  I had my first baby when I was 19 years old and was 6 months pregnant when I married my first husband.  Two babies and 10 years later we were divorced.  I married my second husband soon after I met him.  I was 29 years old and he was 42 years old.  We actually celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary while I was in ICU at OHSU.  I'm such a drama queen sometimes.  But throughout my life I spent time seeking the Lord and trying more and more to follow His ways. 

I was Born-Again in the mid 1970's and filled with the Holy Spirit in the early 1980's.  I have never looked back, only ahead, in my walk with Jesus.  He said it.  I believe it.  There's no discussion for me.  I have experienced his love, patience, guidance, and voice for 4 decades. I believe in the promises recorded in the Holy Bible.  I believe the Bible is the Word of God that can be heard in a dying world.  I don’t care there are others who call the Bible a book of fables, a book of myths.  I have sympathy and empathy for those who have no hope, no peace, no understanding, no heart, no love for My Lord Jesus, My God, My Creator.  I know His heart is broken even far more than mine because he created mankind to share in a relationship with Him for all of eternity.  Others choose nothingness when life ends here on earth.  I choose faith and belief that life does not end for those who hear His call and come to Him.  I keep telling everyone that it is not rocket science.  It is simply faith!  Faith that we are each here on earth for a specific purpose.  Some have a long purpose.  Some have a short purpose.  Some have a large purpose.  Some have a smaller purpose, but all have a purpose in the beginning.  Many walk away or never even try to find the truth about their purpose.  All have the option to choose once they hear the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I believe Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the carpenter's son was God in flesh, coming to save those who want to be saved for a life after death here on earth. 

From the moment the spinning day began, I had no fear.  I had no doubt that The Lord God, The Creator of Heaven and Earth, that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was with me.  He had shown me the tumor through the dizzy spell and the knowledge of the doctors and nurses.

Random Thoughts On “The Awful Truth About Being Old”

(Over the age of 60)

You have extra money but you don’t need anything.
You have extra money so the younger ones expect you to pay for everything.
You have extra money to buy gifts for others but rarely does someone say “Thank You” and sincerely appreciates the gift.
You have time to do more things but you don’t have the energy.
You have time to make your home, the yard, and flower gardens beautiful but you do not have the energy.
You have time to keep your house clean but you do not have the energy.
You have time to see your kids, grandkids, and family but they don’t have time for you.
You have time to see your family but they live too far away and making the trip is a huge effort that the younger ones do not understand.
You have time to spend with friends but they have all moved away, are no longer your friend or have died.
You have lived long enough to gather some really profound wisdom but no one wants to hear it.
You would really like to engage in meaningful conversations but no one wants to have a meaningful conversation.
Younger people honestly think “old people should be seen and not heard”.
Sometimes you feel like you are just hanging around, waiting to die.
No one will remember you in 100 years from now and you know it.

2016 - Feeling low in the new year

Written in 2016 and not posted until 2017 -

It gets harder and harder to put into words what I am feeling.  As this new year rolls in and I realize it is the year 2016, I can't seem to find a feeling that puts it into perspective for me. 

It seems that for the past 6 months or maybe longer I have found it harder and harder to grasp what I am feeling towards life.  I know that I am on the downhill side of life and that it is just a matter of a couple to several decades before I am out of this world.  I am not afraid of death but I really don't want to live another 20 to 30 years without getting a handle on the emotional side of my life.

I sometimes feel like I am just waiting for the proverbial "shoe" to drop.  

My husband will be 75 years old this year.  I have known for a long, long time that he is not healthy but now I am looking at his age AND his health.  We have been married for 33 years this year and the past 10 years have been without intimacy because of his physical and health problems.  I have had to come to the realization that we will never again have a physical relationship and now it seems those first 23 years were based mainly on physical contact.  We barely speak to each other now.  There is no conversation.  He was never a conversationalist but now there are 2 or 3 words sentences between the 2 of us. We are polite and kind to each other.  We love each other but we are no longer in love.  He is retired and honestly has no hobbies.  He tries to keep up with the outdoor chores of the lawn and cutting firewood.  I still have to work full time to keep our health benefits going.  He has an annual prescription drug bill of around $50,000 which my group policy keeps down to a couple of thousand.  Though I am thankfully not a sickly person, I still need health insurance just in case.  There is no way to change the way things are in our marriage now so I guess I am still trying to figure out how to get through all of this, without developing any bitterness or hard feelings.  Today, I cannot honestly say I do not have both of those feelings.  But tomorrow will be another day that I will try to keep a positive attitude about our marriage.  

I have a big, beautiful home that I can no longer take care of in the way I would like to.  I cannot sweep, mop or dust fast enough to keep up with the dirt.  The house gets a cleaning only when company is coming.  I have let the flower beds go back to nature for the most part.  The piles of "stuff" just keep getting bigger with no energy to do anything with all the "stuff."  After working all week the last thing I want to do is work all weekend long on the house, so I don't.  When you don't work on the housework all the time, some of it gets backed up.  That would be what has happened with the "stuff."  Year after year a person accumulates things.  We have not moved for 26 years.  Do you know how much stuff can pile up in 26 years?  A LOT!! My kids just look at the stuff when they come to visit and I can see their eyes rolling and almost hear the thoughts.  "We are going to have to clear out all of this when they go!" Being honest again, it would take a year to go through the house, garage, shop, and barn if we did have to move.  I like to think of downsizing but when I think of all the work that it would take to move, it's easier to just NOT think of it.

We live 150 miles from my closest child and his family.  We live 1700 miles from my daughter and her family.  We are a blended family of his and mine, but his kids are mainly out of touch with us. My children were very young when we got married and his were already out on their own.  His daughter and all of her children live in Texas.  His son has not been in contact with him for 20 years.  Because I still work we can only take vacations a couple of times a year and now we are getting to the age that even traveling is not that easy.  Last time we traveled to see my daughter he ended up in the emergency room.  Having all of his medical problems looming in the background makes it hard to think about travel.

Once a month my son and his family try to come visit us for a weekend or we try to get to them.  So 2 to 3 days a month I usually get to see family, otherwise, there is no family here where we live.  I have 6 grandchildren that I love and adore but am not able to be a part of their lives.  Instead, I sit in this big house, unable to take care of it because I am getting too old, living with a man I am married to but have no relationship with, neither physically or emotionally, and work outside the home 35 hours a week, minimal, because we need health insurance.

I cannot be the only woman in the world feeling blue in the new year.  I usually am not a "pitty party" type of person but I know I am in a slump and can't seem to find any answers.  I have friends and they would listen but they all have tons of things going on in their lives.  I don't want to burden them with my petty issues.  I have faith that God can do all things but there are no resolutions to any of these "issues" that I would ask Him to take care of.  The answers would be too scary right now.

I am at a turning point in my life where I will have to ask the hard questions and be ready for the answers.  But not today.  I have a little bit of "wait" left in me. 

I Apologize For My Unkind Words

I Apologize For My Unkind Words

Debra Kay Reeves – May 21, 2017

 

 

I am sure there are a lot of people I need to apologize to for my outspoken opinion on many different topics.  I am not sure if the reason for my outbursts and grand-standing is because of my German, English, Dutch, Irish roots or because of being descended from pioneers.  Anyway, I apologize.

 

My great-great-great grandparents, Milton and Christiana Brown, came to Oregon before it was a state.  They brought along their 5 children, one of which was my great-great grandmother, Suzanna Brown.  Milton and Christiana each received donation land claims in 1849 near Oregon City.   About 10 years or so later they had moved to southern Oregon, near Klamath Falls.  Then they settled in Summer Lake Valley.  I loved finding photos and a bit of their history in a book called, “Settlers of Summer Lake Valley”.  My own personal thought is that it got too populated in the Oregon City, Portland area so grandpa said, “Pack Up. We’re moving.”  Pioneer, on the move again.

 

Pioneers were hearty people who looked for better for themselves and their family.  They were compassionate and honest.  They were dependable and reliable.  Their word was their bond.  They worked hard and played hard.  They suffered terrible ordeals and they celebrated joyous occasions.  They worked the ground until their hands bled.  They died young.  Most were never wealthy, but many had enough to live.

 

It took a special kind of person to uproot their entire family and move them hundreds of miles from family and a much easier life.  The east coast is still very populated with millions of people whose ancestors never left the comfort of their homes.  They emigrated and then they stayed planted.  Some did not, and those are the kind of people whose blood runs in my veins.

 

I have been alive over 6 decades now and honestly feel like I have lived a full and blessed life.  As a child I always had a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes to wear.  In fact I had plenty.  My father worked hard and made sure we were taken care of financially.  My mother stayed home and tended to the house and the children as women did in the 1950’s.  As we grew she had a part-time job but was always there to take us places and do things for us.  Dad did not partake of many things pertaining to children except spanking us when we got out of line.  He didn’t do the school program thing, or the sports thing, or the church thing.  Mom did all of that without him.  Like I said, he provided for the family financially and that was pretty much the extent of it.  This of course explains my personal search for a father figure or a man to complete me and be my soulmate.  That is another story, another time.

 

In having a good upbringing, despite the un-involvement of a father figure, I found the Lord at an early age.  I was always at Sunday school on Sunday mornings.  Mom had to fight us but she made us go.  It was the greatest sacrifice a mother would and can make for her children. 

 

Out of four of us children, two of us are born again Christians and know that Jesus Christ is exactly who he said he was and that his words are as true today as they were over 2,000 years ago.  Being Christian does not make us better than anyone else it just means we have chosen to accept the gifts Jesus offers.  Those gifts include things like love, forgiveness, kindness, generosity, peace, understanding, wisdom, knowledge, and so much more.  He told us to lay our troubles and burdens onto him and that he would ease our cares.  He does just that when you come to know him.  It’s all in the Word of God, the bible. 

 

Each of us has to ask him to reveal himself to us.  Each of us at one time or another was searching for something and we were not sure what.  Love, acceptance, friendship, kindness, wealth, power, self-satisfaction, whatever it was, you were looking.  Those of us who come to know Jesus know he is the only truth a person can find on earth and live a peaceable life.   You can search and search for earthly and human desires but you will never be satisfied.  In the end death will take you and you will still have nothing.  That is unless you chose to take that leap of faith and find Jesus.  It is really a very simple step to a life of peace. 

 

No, you will not be spared from trials, tribulation, and tears.   No, you will not be protected from all harm.  Bad things will still happen.  We still have to live on this earth with all the other human beings that do not want to make the choice for peace.  But you will be able to make it through the troubled times because of a peace that surpasses all understanding.  This is another one of those gifts I spoke about earlier.

 

Right now as we live in this troubled time and it seems like so many have lost their minds in America, we all need to remember, this too shall pass.  Many of us that have a peaceable life should always try to “reason in kindness” with those who are so agitated with so much and taking it out in violent, harmful, and vicious ways.  We should not lower ourselves to name calling and judgmental remarks.   We don’t have to be silent but we can be kind.  I am going to really, really try to do better in this area.  In fact, I have been hitting the backspace bar and delete button far more in the past few weeks than I have for the past 2 years.  God is working on me still. Hallelujah!

 

Sorry if I offended you with my words in the past.  I apologize and ask for forgiveness.

 

The Simple Truth About the Crusades

The topic of the crusades is one of the most frequent criticisms of the Christian faith. Today, Islamic terrorists claim that the terror attacks are revenge for what Christians did in the crusades.

In my opinion, I do not believe the crusades should ever be called the "Christian crusades." The majority of the “Crusaders” were not Christians, though many claimed to be. The Name of Jesus Christ was used but the message Jesus taught was not used.  The Crusaders misused and abused the name of Christ, which shows in the historical actions of many of the crusaders.

The crusades should not be and are not relevant today. The crusades took place from approximately 1095 to 1230 A.D. That was almost 1000 years ago. The unbiblical and un-Christ-like conduct and actions of supposed believers 1000 years ago should still be held against Christians today?  I think not!

Lastly, and not an adequate excuse, is that Christianity is not the only religion with a violent past. In reality and historically proven, the crusades were in response to Muslim invasions of what was once land occupied primarily by Christians and Jews.

Approximately 200 years after Jesus’ death and resurrection, to approximately 900 A.D., the land of Israel, Jordan, Egypt, Syria, Turkey, etc. was inhabited primarily by Christians and Jews. Once Islam began to spread and become powerful around 700 A.D., Muslims invaded these lands and brutally oppressed, enslaved, deported, and even murdered the Christians living in those lands. In response, the Roman Catholic Church and so-called "Christian" kings and emperors from Europe ordered the crusades to reclaim the land the Muslims had taken. The actions that many so-called Christians took in the crusades were still deplorable. There is no justification for conquering lands, murdering civilians, and destroying cities in the Name of Jesus Christ or for that matter, in the name of any god. Islam is not a religion that can speak from a position of innocence when it comes to crusade type actions.

In brief summary, the crusades were attempts by "Christians" for almost 200 years (10th through 12th centuries A.D.) to reclaim land in the Middle East that had been conquered by Muslims and Arabs. The crusades of that time were brutal and evil. In the Holy Lands (areas surrounding Israel) the Muslims and the Jews were destroyed by crusaders.  Many of the people were forced to "convert" to Christianity.  If they refused, they were put to death, much like the Islamic terror of today.  This is blatantly unbiblical, which goes against all that Jesus taught. The idea of conquering a land through killing, rape, plunder, war and violence in the Name of Christ is completely unbiblical. The crusades may have been done by so-called Christians, but many of the actions that took place in the crusades were completely against everything the true Christian faith stands for.  True Christians today would be the first to denounce the crusades as anything of Christ or affiliated with true Christianity.

Crusades in the name of Jesus Christ ended almost 1000 years ago. Crusades in the name of Allah, the god of Islam are still being perpetrated on the entire world today. Christianity saw the error of its ways and turned back to Jesus Christ and his teachings of love, peace, salvation, forgiveness, and mercy.

So as a follower of Jesus Christ, how can we respond to those who attack Christianity using the historical crusades against us?
Ask them the following:

Should all be held accountable for the actions of any group of people who lived almost 1000 years ago?

Should all be held accountable for the words and actions of others who claims to represent and believe in the same faith you hold?

Pacific NW Wildfires from a Mom's Perspective

There are many fires burning in the Pacific NW this year.  It seems to me like more than in previous years.  The states of Oregon, Washington, and Idaho have a lot of forest land.  We grow trees and brush really well.  We have and will continue to have wildfires created by nature or humans.  There is no way around this.  Nature does what it wants without a human touch.  Humans will continue to make mistakes creating a mess for others.

My only son works for Washington State Department of Natural Resources (DNR).  He is a forest engineer.  He is fighting wildfires today and has been out in the fires off and on for the past couple of months.  He has had very little rest as the fires just continue to increase as we just get into the really dry season of our area.  DNR has all of their manpower out fighting fires.  They have called in more resources from international firefighters to volunteers.  They need even more help!

Today as the smoke fills the Oregon Valley that I live in I think about my son out there on the front-line of the fire he is working on in Washington.  Last night on the phone we joked about the soot in his lungs he was coughing up.  It really is no joke.  He is there, trying to stop a fire from burning the forest and reaching homes.  There are over 5,000 firefighters working in Washington, over 3,000 in Oregon and there are thousands more fighting fires in Idaho, Montana, California and Alaska. Estimates are 19,000 right now fighting fires.  It's not enough!

There are thousands of us mother's praying for the safety of our sons.  There are a some who are mourning their loss.  This breaks my heart and my prayers of comfort are around their shoulders.

My son's wife and 2 children are holding down the home-front.  They are trying to be brave.  They know how dangerous firefighting is.  All of us know this.  

I have a very firm belief in God Our Creator.  I know in my spirit and my soul that the Hand of The Father is upon our lives from conception till last breath.  My hope and trust is in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.  Many others do not believe like me.  Where to they pull strength and hope from? How do they sleep at night knowing their sons are out there on the front lines of these burning infernos?  My prayers go out to all who have sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, relatives and friends out there, unselfishly fighting a forest fire.  

We all remember the attacks on 9/11 and how the nation pulled together to make sure the families of the fallen, whether they were firefighters, police, people in the buildings, armed forces, and all involved in and with the attacks, were taken care of and helped through the horrendous ordeal and aftermath.  

In my mind this same kind of thing is happening now in the West Coast states.  We are under attack!  All in the nation should be pulling together to make sure everything possible is being done to protect us and help us.  Everyone should be sending a donation through the Red Cross, Salvation Army, and any other viable charitable organization that is helping wildfire assistance.  Everyone who is able, who has an expertise that can assist, should be volunteering.  

Homes have been burned, lives have been lost, property has been devastated.  Please don't just sit there, do something.  Please help us!  Please help my son!  Please don't leave us here to burn!  We came to help you when the hurricanes hit.  We came to help you when the tornadoes devastated your city.  We came to help you when your city was in a riot.  We came and helped you when a gunman killed your children.  

We need you to help us now.