I have been a Jesus follower for over 50 years & still search for answers daily. Jesus changes people. He takes everyone with open arms! He takes the lowest sinner & changes them into reflections of Himself. He takes each one of us just as we are and transforms us more & more into His image of pure love. A gift of eternal life in exchange for our faith & belief. Life may come with dark, rainy days but His light is brighter! Seek Him! Find Him! Come to Him!
Monday, June 9, 2025
Stepping Out
Wednesday, May 21, 2025
Distractions
Distractions
Wednesday, May 21, 2025
6:14 PM
It's been months since I last wrote. I have no idea why I write and don't write. Most people who journal do it every day or every other day. I seem to do things in spurts. I am rarely constant in anything besides sleeping and eating.
I do write the Power of Twelve Wednesday Weekly Word and then Dena and I do our podcast once a week too. So I am getting some of my thoughts out on paper. But not like when I ramble about life.
For these past several months I have been down in the heart. I know I am still grieving over the loss of Jerry and really miss his companionship. It was not good at the end but we at least had conversations. Now all I do is yell at my cats. Penny pukes up hairballs and food every day and Boo wants in and out and in and out and in and out all day long and meows until I move. I love them and hate them.
I haven't gone to church here at home since Christmas. Sitting in church by myself, with a majority of strangers and crying through worship got the best of me. I would rather grieve and worship at home by myself than with strangers.
I do stay in the word every day in one way or another. God is the only constant and continuous one in my life but lately I feel like He isn't paying much attention to my needs either. I know He loves me. I know He cares. I know I am probably feeling this way because my emotions are all over the place but it just seems there are so many distractions pulling me all over the place and all I want to do is curl up in His arms and rest. Maybe it's the devil doing it all and for whatever reason the Lord is not blocking his punches to me. Maybe it's my Job test. Like Job I will never denounce God or turn from Him but I will cry and whine for the treatment He is allowing to happen to me and around me.
In just the past 7 weeks I went to Eagle Crest with the kids for 8 days, then 10 day later flew to Jacksonville FL to spend a week with Felicia. On the home trip the plane flaps quit working so we had an emergency landing back to Jacksonville which made me miss my connection in Atlanta to Portland. It was a 24 hour delay with 4 hours of sleep. I was home 2 days when Chris called to tell me Duke flew out of the window of the pickup and broke a back hind leg. That was on Friday May 2nd. I had just gotten home on Thursday. Brother Dave showed up on Saturday and stayed until Monday. He helped me mow the lawn on Sunday. Sunday afternoon Natalee called crying because Chris was puking up blood so he was in ER at Centralia. I packed my suitcase again and headed the 150 miles to Adna Monday after Dave left at noon. Chris was in ICU for 3 days home on Wednesday. The orthopedic vet was unable to save Duke's leg so it was amputated on Thursday in Vancouver. I paid $5,000 to help with the bill. They kept him overnight so Chris and I headed back on Friday. The round trips are 150 miles. So that was 2 in 2 days. I stayed till Monday May 12th and then drove the 150 miles home. The kids were set to go on their Maui vacation on May 15th. Kristy was taking the dog watching shift from Wednesday to Tuesday and then I was supposed to drive back up on Tuesday and stay will they got home on Saturday May 24th. Kristy felt sorry for me so she decided to stay the whole 10 days. Tim is home holding things down at their house.
I got home on May 12th and slept for 12 hours the first night and then almost 12 the next night. All I did was relax, eat and watch TV. Then Surprise! Tuesday and Wednesday the asphalt company was here to do the driveway. Sunday May 18th was our Power of 12 meeting and on May 19th I had a THS Alumni meeting. On May 20th there was a critter somewhere in my garage, which I had heard knocking things over for several nights. I tried yesterday but was freaked out then today I found the skunk hiding in the far corner and of course he sprayed his scent! Then I cleaned part of the garage as I tried to figure out how to get him out! Finally I gave up, moved the car out and left the garage door open. By 2 pm the grass was dry enough to mow so I did that for 2 hours. By the time I checked again the skunk was not hiding under the shelfing so that was good news. I just hope he didn't find another little corner to hunker down it. I'll be checking for sounds every night now until I know for sure he is out.
Writing all of this down gets it out of my head and my head has just been spinning for a month and a half now. So many distractions. So much trauma. ICU and amputations. Emergency landings. Packing and unpacking suitcases. Flying 5000 miles and driving 1500 miles. Spending $11,751 between Duke and the driveway. That's a lot for a 71 year old widow with no help.
I am tired Lord! You left me here to shoulder this mostly alone day after day and now I am downhearted. Lord hear my cry. If I had an ash pit I would tear my clothes and put ashes on my head. I try to be brave but I am not.
Sunday, May 11, 2025
A Lifetime of Walking With Jesus
A Lifetime of Walking With Jesus
Thursday, February 27, 2025
The Difference
The Difference
Thursday, February 27, 2025
6:53 AM
There are such huge differences between those who follow God an those who chose not to. In Galatians 5 we find a list of those differences.
Those who chose the acts of the flesh choose:
Sexual immorality
Impurity
Debauchery
Idolatry
Witchcraft
Hatred
Discord
Jealousy
Fits of rage
Selfish ambition
Dissensions
Factions
Envy
Drunkenness
Orgies
And the like.
Those who choose God choose the fruit of the Spirit:
Love
Joy
Peace
Forbearance
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control
What a huge difference in the choices made in life by the two different beliefs. No wonder we live in a world so filled with an evilness that shows in every day. How did so many make the choice not to live a happy, joy filled life? Why would they not want a peaceful, happy life? Why would they chose evil over good?
To me, it all comes down to self. The love of self, more than anything else in the world. I have been selfish before. I have chosen me over others before in my life. Each time I made my selfish choice I have had to pay a price. Most of my selfish choices were done when I was younger. But praise God, He continued to call me back and continued to forgive me of my sins. As I grew older I learned to not be so selfish. I learned to deny my selfish thoughts. I learned to do good not to do evil. I learned to please God, not myself.
Those who continue to choose evil over good will pay the price of their own souls. They will forfeit their soul for all eternity and never be in the presence of their Creator. They will suffer for eternity for their selfish choices. There are only two choices. Good or evil. God or the devil. Yes or no. Belief or unbelief. Each human being has a 50-50 chance in making the most important decision of their life and their afterlife. Choose wisely.
Thursday, February 20, 2025
Gifts Of The Spirit
Gifts of the Spirit
Thursday, February 20, 2025
6:26 AM
As we grow in the Lord we learn about the gifts of the Holy Spirit given to all believers. Everyone who comes to believe in Jesus Christ as Lord and savior do so by the gift of faith. That gift of faith is used every day that we seek God , pray for others and live a life focused on God. When someone says they do not believe in the gifts of the Spirit remind them of the gift of faith as stated by Paul in 1 Corinthians 12: 9.
"The same Spirit give great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit give the gift of healing."
There are hundreds of books written about the gifts of the Spirit and how many there are. Some of the listed gifts are classified or categorized as power gifts, inspirational gifts, revelational gifts, and congregational gifts. It's important to remember these are all gifts from the Spirit of God to be used by His people whenever and where ever He leads. God is using you and you are not using Him. If you try to use any of the gifts for personal gain or personal reasons it will not work.
When thinking of the gift of healing don't we almost always think of Jesus when He healed the lepers, healed the blind, healed the lame, raised the dead to life? Do we remember that He also cast out the demons that were tearing apart the lives of those possessed? They were also healed!
Today we have a society that needs healing from some type of demonic possession. Hatred is rampant in the world and even within the churches that call themselves "Churches of God". Hatred is a sickness just like cancer. Are you praying for your neighbor to be healed from the cancer of hatred? I hope the answer is yes. But hatred is not the only sickness inside the world today. There is the sickness of apathy, selfishness, greed, power, pride, lust and so many other worldly desires of the flesh. We need to be praying for these people to be healed and released by the power of the Holy Spirit.
In John 14:27 Jesus says,
"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
Just as with the gift of faith, we have each been given the gift of peace of mind and heart. Both of these gifts we have to willingly use them on a daily basis. Use your gift of faith. Use your gift of peace of mind and heart. Use your gift of prayer and your gift of healing together.
Tuesday, February 18, 2025
What Is In A Name
What Is In A Name
Tuesday, February 18, 2025
6:18 AM
At one time in my life I was ashamed of my birth name. My mother chose to spell my name Debra differently that in the Bible. The O and the H are missing. In grade school the boys picked up the spelling of my name and called me "The Bra". To a 10 year old girl with red hair and freckles it was the final humiliation. When Junior High rolled around I was just Debbie. Since there were 5 of us Deborah's in my small class we each seemed to pick an alternate spelling of our Debbie. Mine was Debbi without the E at the end and there was no BRA in my name for the boys to tease me about.
Later on in life I did a name search for each of us in the family. Everyone has nice, sweet, powerful meanings of their names. Jerald was "Spear Wielder". Christopher was "Christ Bearer". Dena was "Lily of the Valley". The name Debra (Deborah) was "The Bee". I was so disappointed. Why was I a bee? A buzzing little insect. I was expecting more and was broken hearted. I thought I was something special, something better than an insect. No. I was "the bee". It was a stinging realization and I decided names mean nothing and besides, when I stand before the Lord He will give me a new name.
I don't remember how long after all of this sadness that it turned to revelation when the Lord spoke to me. "You are a bee." He said. "A bee is a pollinator. A bee flits from flower to flower spreading the pollen from one flower to the other so that the fruit can come. You are my pollinator. You are my bee." As I listened to Him speak these words of encouragement to me my heart lifted. I am a bee. I do a lot of flitting from one thing to the next. I land for a short period of time and then move on. I have many interests but not one that I am focused on. There are not merely one or two things which interest me but many, many things do.
I am perfectly named and I am a bee. I am a pollinator of people. Everywhere I go I speak the name of Jesus in my conversations. I am here to help with spreading the good news of Jesus, the only One who saves us and offers every single person a new life and an eternal life with Him in His kingdom. I happily keep buzzing and flitting through the days knowing my little part in this life is a good part, a worthy part. Someday when I stand with Jesus He will show me the fruit I helped with.
Monday, February 10, 2025
Refuge
Refuge
Monday, February 10, 2025
7:54 AM
The word this month for Power of Twelve is refuge.
Psalms 142:5 - I cried out to You, O Lord : I said, “You are my refuge, My portion in the land of the living."
As we read this new scripture and verse I could hear my spirit within ask, "What does this mean and why are you having us dwell on the word refuge for a month, Lord?" I began my search.
A refuge is a place where you go for shelter. It is a place of safety and trust. A place where we can seek the Lord and hear His words of love and encouragement when the storms are raging in our lives. It is a sanctuary of safety where we can dwell when life gets to be too much and we need to find peace and comfort with our savior. In the refuge of our Lord, He can speak to us and guide us onward.
All around the world there are animal refuge areas set aside where certain animals can have a safe place to come to rest, eat and regain their strength for the journey. Africa has huge refuge's for all of the wild animals that are hunted and killed for their skins, horns, tusks, heads and just for sport. These areas are protected by laws and are guarded from the human predators that seek to kill them. The animals have learned to run to these places when they fear the hunter. There are bird refuges or sanctuaries that allow huge flocks of migrating birds to come and rest during their migration journey. No hunting allowed.
This Psalm tell us that a refuge, a place of comfort and peace, is our portion in life. The word portion means it is our right and our inheritance. It is our right to escape to the refuge and our place to find the strength to get back on track and continue the journey. God says He gives this refuge to us so that we can endure the days that wear us down as the devil is roaming about seeking to destroy and kill us.
Whenever we find ourselves lacking in strength to go another hour or another day we should run to our refuge, the arms of the Father. He will protect us, feed us, speak words of love to us, and give us the strength to go one more day.
Don't walk, run! Run to the arms of Jesus, for the hunter, the destroyer is hot on the heels of every believer in this day and age. But have no fear for we already know the devil has been defeated by the cross! Go into the refuge and be renewed and refreshed as the journey moves forward.
Saturday, January 18, 2025
Seeking
I am a person of normal intelligence. Not too high, not too low. I am a person who believes in God and the power of this God who is our creator and the creator of all things that exist. For 850 days I have been seeking the answers on how to live out the remainder of my life which could be anywhere from zero to thirty years. I still do not have any firm answers but every single day I wake up, get out of bed and breathe for another day. Seeking. Searching. Watching. Waiting. Listening. Praying. Trying to hear just a whisper or see a tiny glimpse of what the divine plan is. So far there is nothing.
Luke 9:23 - Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
Matthew 10:38 - Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 16:24 - Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."
Mark 8:34 - Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."
Jesus repeatedly told his disciples and the people that denial is how we follow after him. When we put others before our own personal needs that is the way to be Christ like. When we say no to ourselves and say yes to others that is what Jesus is looking for in his people. Taking up the cross means that we are willing to be there for others before ourselves. No matter how Jesus was feeling on any given day he was there for the people. To heal them. To teach them. To guide them. To show them there is a better way to live life than grabbing each day for ourselves and putting everyone else second in line.
We are not all meant to be the Mother Teresa's of the world. Or the Billy Graham's. Or the Martin Luther's. When the Apostle Paul was teaching in Ephesians 4 how to be effective for the Lord he explained that each one of us are a part of the body of Christ, the Church, His bride, His love. Each one of us is different and here to play a different role in each day. We are not all mouth's. We are not all feet. We are not all the brain. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God but we are all entirely different. Ephesians 4 tells us of the gifts from God that are given out to each of us on an individual basis. It is up to each one of us to seek the Lord to find out what those gifts are and how we are supposed to be using them during our life on earth. Once we accept Jesus as our Lord He begins to mold us into the person He needs for the mission. Seeking, hearing, and knowing are all part of how we attain the wisdom and knowledge of God in our daily lives.
This is my third January without Jerry in my life. I have tried to learn about fasting this month and what it is like to deny myself certain things. One year I tried sugar and that didn't last. One year I tried carbohydrates which also did not last. This year I thought maybe I could give up food for the majority of the day but I only made it one day. I'm a mess when it comes to denial of self.
I am in the word of God daily. I seek Him daily. I talk to Him daily. I wonder what His plan is for me for the rest of my life. I wonder why I can never seem to follow through on seeking Him more earnestly and devoting an entire day to only Him for answers from Him for me. Am I afraid of what He might say? Am I afraid of what He might want me to do? Am I lazy and want to take the easy way? What is really happening to me and to my life at this ripe old age of 70?
I know I am not the only person seeking answers. I know I am not the only old believer who wants to know what these golden years hold for me. I know I am not the only mess who seeks Him. I know for a fact that I will not stop seeking answers for my life and how I can be there for those that I love so much. I will continue my daily search for answers because I know He has a plan for the rest of my life.
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Tuesday, January 14, 2025
The Lord's Leading
The Power of Twelve ladies have met for 5 months now since September. All 13 of us were together for an hour on Sunday and it was a remarkable hour that seemed to be more like 2 or 3 hours. For some reason I did not check for duplicate words (not a coincidence) and we now have the word praise for the second month in a row which is so perfect as we seek Him more and praise Him more for His love, faithfulness and mercy.
As I was preparing the monthly list of extra scriptures I notice that there is a pattern of the words that we are using. I know the Lord is always speaking into us and revealing His plans and purposes. Here is the words and scriptures for 5 months now.
September 2024 – Patient
Romans 12:12 - Rejoice in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
October 2024 – Humility
Proverbs 11:26 (NIV) - When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
November 2024 – Delight
2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV) - That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
December 2024 – Praise
Psalms 63:4 (NIV) - I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
January 2025 – Praise
Isaiah 25:1 (NIV) - Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.
In September the Holy Spirit was teaching us patience. In October He was teaching us humility. In November He wanted us to delight in Him knowing He is always, always, always right beside us through "every single thing". And now for two months we are learning to praise Him through the storm, through the obstacles, the weariness, the battles, the day.
Psalm 22:3 (KJV) - “But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel”
When we come to the Lord with praise and worship He lives in those. He sets up camp and stays there. He resides in our praises and relishes the time we are spending in His presence. Think about holding a tiny newborn baby. That baby bundle will cuddle up and sleep peacefully in your arms. Full trust. The love of another breathing in and out with them. As you hold that tender little child there is a peace that comes over you. The cares of the world disappear and you feel the presence of love and peace. The Lord feels this way with each of us as we come to Him with our praise and worship. There is only love and peace as we cuddle into His arms and rest.
We have no idea what this new year, 2025, will bring for each of us. What we do know for certain is that we have a Lord, a Father, a King, a Savior, that loves us, no matter if it is a good day or bad day, and that when we praise Him, there He will be with love and mercy.
Psalms 147:1 (NIV) - Praise the Lord . How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him!
Tuesday, January 7, 2025
Come Rest With Me
Jesus had been teaching the people in Galilee about who he was. He spoke about John the Baptist who was now in prison. He spoke about those who chose not to believe that he was the Son of God or of the miracles they had witnessed with their own eyes. The people still refused to believe these were miracles of God but called it evil. He was the prophesised Messiah and they turned on him. They would not believe even though all of the prophesies were repeated. Their ears refused to hear the truth.
I imagine at this point Jesus is weary himself. He has preformed many miracles and the people are still in the darkness. They are scared of him because he can perform miracles. They are scared of him because he offers them love and forgiveness and wants nothing in return expect for repentance from sin and their faith and belief that he is the promised Messiah who has come to save them. The big problem is Jesus was not saving them the way they thought they should be saved. They expected him to conquer the Roman army and set them free from the tranny placed upon them. So many times Jesus had to go alone into the wilderness to speak with the Father and pray about the next steps. At this point we need to remember that he was human and had spent over 30 years with humans and their selfish ways. He had to have been weary.
Jesus knew that by seeking the Father in times of trouble there would be a reprieve from burdens of life on earth. He tries so hard to tell us this same thing so we can have rest in troubled times. It's up to us to seek him and ask for answers or wisdom in how to find these answers. This is where we remember that he is God the Son and can do all things. Not some things but all things. This is where we come before him and lay at his feet asking for peace. Sometimes we cry. We grow so weary with life no matter if we are young or old. Jesus was there and he knew the weariness of the people.
Psalms 91:1 - Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Jesus knew the only way we would have peace would be if we remained in the presence of the Father. While Jesus walked on earth and he needed rest from the weariness of life, he spent time his Father. We find our rest at the feet of God, there in his shadow of love. Yehovah Elohim is our Father. He is our fortress, the place we go to in order to regain our strength for whatever is coming tomorrow.


