HOLIDAY DELIGHT

Our Power of Twelve group word this month has been delight and this morning I feel anything but delight.  It was a restless sleepless night and now I am a grumpy grinch.  I came downstairs and turned on the Christmas tree.  That helped a little bit.  I chased off the deer eating all of my shrubs in the front yard and looked at the few strings of Christmas lights I put up and that helped a little bit.  

I know why I have no delight and that is because I am still living in widowland.  This is my third Christmas season without my husband who was there for 40 Christmases and now is not.  These past three Christmas holidays are how I will spend them from now on.  There will be no other husband.  There will no longer be another human being beside me on Christmas or any other day.  It will be me.  Only me.  It's hard to be happy and smiley on the outside when one is sad and crying on the inside.

So now how do I wrap my mind around this and find the delight in the day?  I love my friends but they have lives.  I love my family but they have lives.  I love my community but everyone has lives.  So I guess I have to find my life and that is where I am today. I do not want to finish my life as a complaining, old, bitter woman who has run everyone off.  I want to be a delight to others and be one who people do like to be around when they can. 

I know in my heart and spirit that the Lord is my Shepherd. I know He leads me beside the still waters and restores my soul.  I know He is the only one who is with me through the valley of the shadow of death.  I know there is a reason I am still here on this earth and that He wakes me for each day but right now the purpose is not revealed to me.

Today I will continue the search for me.  The new me.  The new normal.  The new everything.  Today I will find some delight in the day and enjoy breathing.  Today is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  No matter how my brain is acting I am going to find some holiday delight this fifth day of December!