Seeking

It's been a long few weeks.  Actually it's been a long few months.  But if I'm being totally honest it has been a very long 850 days since Jerry died and I was set out on this widowhood path.  This path of living as a single, old woman in the last part of my life on earth. 

I am a person of normal intelligence.  Not too high, not too low.  I am a person who believes in God and the power of this God who is our creator and the creator of all things that exist.  For 850 days I have been seeking the answers on how to live out the remainder of my life which could be anywhere from zero to thirty years.  I still do not have any firm answers but every single day I wake up, get out of bed and breathe for another day.  Seeking.  Searching. Watching.  Waiting.  Listening.  Praying.  Trying to hear just a whisper or see a tiny glimpse of what the divine plan is.  So far there is nothing.

Luke 9:23 - Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

Matthew 10:38 - Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 

Matthew 16:24 - Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Mark 8:34 - Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Jesus repeatedly told his disciples and the people that denial is how we follow after him.  When we put others before our own personal needs that is the way to be Christ like.  When we say no to ourselves and say yes to others that is what Jesus is looking for in his people.  Taking up the cross means that we are willing to be there for others before ourselves. No matter how Jesus was feeling on any given day he was there for the people.  To heal them.  To teach them.  To guide them.  To show them there is a better way to live life than grabbing each day for ourselves and putting everyone else second in line.  

We are not all meant to be the Mother Teresa's of the world.  Or the Billy Graham's.  Or the Martin Luther's.  When the Apostle Paul was teaching in Ephesians 4 how to be effective for the Lord he explained that each one of us are a part of the body of Christ, the Church, His bride, His love.  Each one of us is different and here to play a different role in each day.  We are not all mouth's.  We are not all feet.  We are not all the brain.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God but we are all entirely different.  Ephesians 4 tells us of the gifts from God that are given out to each of us on an individual basis.  It is up to each one of us to seek the Lord to find out what those gifts are and how we are supposed to be using them during our life on earth.  Once we accept Jesus as our Lord He begins to mold us into the person He needs for the mission.  Seeking, hearing, and knowing are all part of how we attain the wisdom and knowledge of God in our daily lives.

This is my third January without Jerry in my life.  I have tried to learn about fasting this month and what it is like to deny myself certain things.  One year I tried sugar and that didn't last.  One year I tried carbohydrates which also did not last.  This year I thought maybe I could give up food for the majority of the day but I only made it one day.  I'm a mess when it comes to denial of self.

I am in the word of God daily.  I seek Him daily.  I talk to Him daily.  I wonder what His plan is for me for the rest of my life.  I wonder why I can never seem to follow through on seeking Him more earnestly and devoting an entire day to only Him for answers from Him for me.  Am I afraid of what He might say?  Am I afraid of what He might want me to do?  Am I lazy and want to take the easy way?  What is really happening to me and to my life at this ripe old age of 70?

I know I am not the only person seeking answers.  I know I am not the only old believer who wants to know what these golden years hold for me. I know I am not the only mess who seeks Him.  I know for a fact that I will not stop seeking answers for my life and how I can be there for those that I love so much.  I will continue my daily search for answers because I know He has a plan for the rest of my life.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The Lord's Leading

The Power of Twelve ladies have met for 5 months now since September.  All 13 of us were together for an hour on Sunday and it was a remarkable hour that seemed to be more like 2 or 3 hours.  For some reason I did not check for duplicate words (not a coincidence) and we now have the word praise for the second month in a row which is so perfect as we seek Him more and praise Him more for His love, faithfulness and mercy.  

As I was preparing the monthly list of extra scriptures I notice that there is a pattern of the words that we are using.  I know the Lord is always speaking into us and revealing His plans and purposes.  Here is the words and scriptures for 5 months now.

September 2024 – Patient

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

October 2024 – Humility

Proverbs 11:26 (NIV) - When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

November 2024 – Delight

2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV) - That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

December 2024 – Praise

Psalms 63:4 (NIV) - I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. 

January 2025 – Praise

Isaiah 25:1 (NIV) - Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.

In September the Holy Spirit was teaching us patience. In October He was teaching us humility.  In November He wanted us to delight in Him knowing He is always, always, always right beside us through "every single thing".  And now for two months we are learning to praise Him through the storm, through the obstacles, the weariness, the battles, the day.  

Psalm 22:3 (KJV) - “But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel” 

When we come to the Lord with praise and worship He lives in those.  He sets up camp and stays there.  He resides in our praises and relishes the time we are spending in His presence.  Think about holding a tiny newborn baby.  That baby bundle will cuddle up and sleep peacefully in your arms. Full trust.  The love of another breathing in and out with them.  As you hold that tender little child there is a peace that comes over you.  The cares of the world disappear and you feel the presence of love and peace.  The Lord feels this way with each of us as we come to Him with our praise and worship.  There is only love and peace as we cuddle into His arms and rest.

We have no idea what this new year, 2025, will bring for each of us.  What we do know for certain is that we have a Lord, a Father, a King, a Savior, that loves us, no matter if it is a good day or bad day, and that when we praise Him, there He will be with love and mercy.   

Psalms 147:1 (NIV) - Praise the Lord . How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Come Rest With Me

Matthew 11:28 - Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Jesus had been teaching the people in Galilee about who he was.  He spoke about John the Baptist who was now in prison.  He spoke about those who chose not to believe that he was the Son of God or of the miracles they had witnessed with their own eyes.  The people still refused to believe these were miracles of God but called it evil.  He was the prophesised Messiah and they turned on him.  They would not believe even though all of the prophesies were repeated.  Their ears refused to hear the truth.

I imagine at this point Jesus is weary himself.  He has preformed many miracles and the people are still in the darkness.  They are scared of him because he can perform miracles.  They are scared of him because he offers them love and forgiveness and wants nothing in return expect for repentance from sin and their faith and belief that he is the promised Messiah who has come to save them.  The big problem is Jesus was not saving them the way they thought they should be saved.  They expected him to conquer the Roman army and set them free from the tranny placed upon them.  So many times Jesus had to go alone into the wilderness to speak with the Father and pray about the next steps.  At this point we need to remember that he was human and had spent over 30 years with humans and their selfish ways.  He had to have been weary.

Jesus knew that by seeking the Father in times of trouble there would be a reprieve from burdens of life on earth.  He tries so hard to tell us this same thing so we can have rest in troubled times.  It's up to us to seek him and ask for answers or wisdom in how to find these answers.  This is where we remember that he is God the Son and can do all things.  Not some things but all things.  This is where we come before him and lay at his feet asking for peace.  Sometimes we cry.  We grow so weary with life no matter if we are young or old.  Jesus was there and he knew the weariness of the people.  

Psalms 91:1 - Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High 

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Jesus knew the only way we would have peace would be if we remained in the presence of the Father.  While Jesus walked on earth and he needed rest from the weariness of life, he spent time his Father.  We find our rest at the feet of God, there in his shadow of love.  Yehovah Elohim is our Father.  He is our fortress, the place we go to in order to regain our strength for whatever is coming tomorrow.