Stubborn or Determined

 

Today has been a day of much contemplation.  Today has been a day to officially let go of the past.  Some one in the past has hurt me and I have let that hurt surface for the last time.  There is no need to go into detail but it took most of the morning,  a long conversation with daughter and a couple of letters written but torn up to come to this point of letting go. Completely.  Fully. Once and for all.  I am determined not to go back to this person in my own heart. With my own tears.  That season of life if over and actually has been over for decades.

This brought me to the next thoughts of how stubborn I am.  I like to think I am determined rather than stubborn.  Stubbornness can be a bad thing.  When we dig in our heels to something and not be the least bit unyielding.  Especially when it is a selfish thing.  Something we do not want to give up or give up on others.  So when I think about my own stubbornness I need to stand back and look at exactly what it is all about.   If I am determined to do this thing, is the blessing of the Lord upon it?  Is it something that will bless the person and the kingdom of God?  Is it worthy determination or plain stubbornness and refusal to give in?  Am I just being stubborn and not wanting to give up out of self gratification? There is a huge difference between selfish stubbornness and Godly determination.

This takes me to how opinionated I am.  Am I opinionated and mouthy or am I opinionated and wise?  Am I choosing wise words to share or merely stating my opinion in another self gratified way? As I have gotten older I have calmed down with the words coming from my mouth.  Not the amount of words, as I still talk a mile a minute, but the words are a bit more hand picked by the Holy Spirit before they come out.  This is another good thing happening to me as the scriptures talk a lot about the tongue.

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) - Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.

James 1:26 (NIV) - Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) - The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

I Corinthans 13:1 (NV) -  If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

Since I have been a firm proponent of "Choose your words wisely" then I need to be very careful how I speak out among others.  Since I am now leading a women's home ministry group I need to speak carefully and thoughtfully.  Since I am older and (should be) wiser than a younger person or a younger believer I need to be using words from the Holy Spirit that edify Him.

Today is a day of good reflection and more of the daily dying we are asked to do as we get closer to our day of redemption.  My past sins have crucified Jesus time and time again and I need to stop doing that to Him.  I love Him with all my heart, mind and soul and do not want my stubbornness to hurt Him or others.  Today I am letting go of some things and ways that needed to be let go of a LONG time ago.