FINDING JOY

Finding Joy

Friday, June 30, 2023

12:25 PM

 

How do you find joy in times of trial and frustration?  In times of sadness and loneliness?  How do you find the inner strength when every day is such an effort to endure?  Why is the joy of the former days so distant and seemingly out of reach? 

 

These are the questions I have been asking myself this week or at least for the past few days.  My mind and my body are not happy.  My heart is sad and my eyes are on the verge of tears every other hour.  I feel sadness about everything right now and I am not sure of the exact cause except for the fact my helpmate, my sweetheart, my best friend, my husband is no longer here on earth to help me find my joy again.  He always figured out a way to make me smile when I was sad.  He could say something that would remind me of all I had to be thankful for.  He knew how to bring me back to the joy of the Lord.  I miss him and his wisdom.  I miss his voice in my ear.  I miss his arms of love when I needed a hug.  It's lonely without him.

 

I could go for a walk on the beach and cry.  I could go for a drive and cry.  I could go shopping for something I do not need and then come home and cry.  I could make phone calls to my family or my friends and cry.  But what good would all of that do besides bring others into my sadness and have them worry about me and my mental stability.  Everyone has their own troubles.  Each one of us has something that troubles us.  Our only hope is in the Lord.

 

In John chapter 15 Jesus spoke these words;

 

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other." - John 15:1-17

 

Without Jesus we have no hope, no joy, no peace, no happiness.  We follow Him and His ways because we want to please Him and be the kind of person who loves others.  Without hope, joy, peace and happiness we are just like those in the world who are lost souls.  This is how they live life every day.  But read these words again. Jesus calls us his friend when we are his followers.  He chose us to follow Him and to hear His words of encouragement to not be like those in the world.  He called us to be different than the hopeless, the joyless, those without peace, those with no happiness.  Wrap your mind around the words spoken by Jesus over two thousand years ago,

 

"I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name."

 

God the Son, Jesus Christ, chose you.  He chose me to speak His name and give others a spark of joy, a piece of hope, a word of peace.  Maybe not every day but the days when others around me need to hear these words.  Some days I need to hear these words and no one is here to speak them into me.  But the Holy Spirit is here with me.  He does speak to me.  I do hear Him even when I am sinking in tears of sadness.  He does comfort me with words of love and guidance.  With words of peace and contentment.  Without any condemnation for my feelings, today He encourages me to look forward to tomorrow. 

 

Proverbs 17:22 (NLT) - A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:16 (NLT) - Always be joyful.

 

Romans 14:17 (NLT) - For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

 

Isaiah 55:12 (NLT) - You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands!

 

Psalms 126:5 (NLT) - Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.

 

Psalms 9:2 (NLT) - I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.

 

Nehemiah 8:10 (NKJV) - Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

 

The Holy Spirit meets with us when we are downcast and sad. He comes along side of us and cries with us.  He knows all too well our sadness and why.  He understands everything and holds our tears on His shoulder of strength and compassion.  He is our Comforter, our Advocate to the Father to help us see the wonder and beauty of our lives and those who touch our lives throughout the days and the years.  He leads us out of those valleys of darkness and sadness and puts us back on the path we have been set on by the Father and the Son.  He restores our joy so that we can move forward to the days ahead when we can stand along side one of our family members or friends that is having a sad and joyless day.

 

Acts 13:52 (NKJV) - And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

 

When we have times of sadness, which are pruning times,  we need to remember we are a branch attached to The Vine.  We are chosen by Him to produce fruit and the fruit of the Spirit is;

Galatians 5:22 (NKJV) - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

 

He is with us and encouraging us to come back to the joy of our first love, Jesus Christ Son of God, our King and our Savior!

 

Dreams

Yesterday was the six month anniversary of Jerry's death.  It weighed on me all day that 1/2 of a year had passed and I still don't feel ready to do much of anything but read, be quiet, be still, stay home.  I still do not want to be around others and try to put on a happy face and act like a normal person.  I am no where near normal and honestly feel like there will never be the "old" me here again.  Fact is, I have no idea who I am now that I am not Jerry's wife.

Part of me is gone and missing forever, at least here on earth.  I read that a person who loses a limb still feels that limb.  My leg is missing.  Half of my heart is missing.  The one I was once so passionate about is missing. The person of my dreams is missing.  Our marriage had survived numerous trials and now the trials of marriage are over.  I am once again single, which I have not been for 60 years.  My first child came to me at age 19 along with my first husband.  Then there was the next child and the next husband.  I always had someone to care for and live with for 60 years and now that has ended.  I have to learn how to do this, live alone.

There is no doubt that the Lord is with me and right at my side encouraging me on each day.  I do get out of bed in the morning.  I do eat during the day.  I do clean my house and do my laundry.  I do get outside in the yard when the weather allows.  I do go through the motions of the day.  Every day I seek that Lord and let him guide my quiet day.  I know he reminds me that this will take some time to heal and not to rush anything.  He assures me that I am doing okay and my fears and tears are his to carry as long as I let him.   Honestly, there are some days I want to feel them.  I want to hold them and carry them because I want to be mad and upset that this old lady has to carry this alone.  I know it's not healthy to be mad at God for putting me in this valley.  It's not his fault.  I need someone to blame don't I?  I'm totally human.

For some reason yesterday I decided it was time to go through Jerry's files in a cupboard and clean it.  Little did I know it would take 3 hours and I'm only through one shelf.  Most were financial records, medical records, family history records and work related records.  But there were several notes and cards that he had held onto for decades.  The one that had me crying was a small little note he wrote me in 2006.  "You sure were a lot happier 23 years ago.  What happened?"  Of course I am not a woman of few words so I wrote him back a short book.  From the late 1990's into the 2000's we had several huge hurdles in our marriage.  But because of God's hand and our perseverance and endurance we managed to stay married.  It's another book about all we went through for that decade.  January 30, 2006 at age 65 Jerry was involved in a head on collision and his health was never the same after that and only continued to decline for the rest of his life.  He was not happy and I was not happy.  He was forced into retirement and I continued working full time.  We were apart more than we were together and any physical intimacy we had was removed.  Jerry was not a conversationalist and I was.  

Last night was the first time I actually dreamed about him and I did remember part of the dream.  Dena, Chris and I were the only people who could see him and talk to him and that upset him as there were many other people with us.  Everywhere we went he tired to get others to notice him and talk to him.  We tried to explain to these people that he was "right here" but they assured us we were crazy.  Dreams are hard to explain but even though we were frustrated we were thankful for being together.  There was some laughter, some tears, some anger from all of us but the love was apparent.  When I did actually wake up I thanked God for the dream.  Just seeing his face and talking to him in the dream was good.  It made him real again which I had not been able to see for the past six months.

Life can be such a strange walk.  You can have a decade of joy and then have a decade of sadness.  You can have a person in your life for 40 years or 40 days.  None of us ever know what tomorrow will bring.  God does though.  He is the one who knows every minute of every day for every one of us.  He is never surprised by any thing or any changes.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  We are not.  We change.  We are molded by the Master Potter if we allow him to create us into an image of him cracks and all.